Is Today the Day

Is today the day?
Can I finally lay down my arms?
Can I finally quit fighting?
Has all of this come down to the final bow?
My hands are bloody
My soul is weeping
I wake every morning hoping that I can truly set aside all the pain I have been keeping.
Is today the day?
Is it time?
Time to release the tension?
Time to cut the cord?
Will you finally leave me be dear angel?
Can I set aside your picture and look ahead?
Is today the day?
The day I find my future.
The day the door to my past, my pain, my rage, my guilt, and my burden, closes?
Is this the day that the sun will rise on a new horizon?
These years have been a war.
A bloody battle fought in my head.
A clash of wills that no one can see, but the winner will define what is going to happen to me.
I have fought so hard losing pieces of me along the way.
Beaten and bloody, broken and weak I have crawled blade in hand.
To fight for what I want to be.
My knees are raw and broken from being beaten down so many times.
My knuckles are shattered and disfigured from hitting back twice as hard.
My face is mangled from taking the hits that would fell any lesser man.
So is today the day I get to lay down my sword and roar to the heavens that I have finally won?
Can I claim to win a battle that has been raging inside of me for longer than I can remember?
Is this it?
Is this the end?
Have I won?
Can I truly call it a victory if the very version of myself i have been fighting for has faded beyond recognition?
Please let today be the day.
I beg to let the fighting end.
I yearn for the day i can say, its over.
Until then I will fight.
I will push this darkness back with my bloody knees, broken knuckles, mangled face, and a will of iron.
I will not give up.
Because what I fight for is the day I can finally say.
Today is the day.
The day I come out the other side of this gauntlet that has become my emotions.
The day when happiness is truly mine.
The day when my dreams come true and I can finally look back and remember all those I've lost with a smile.
The day that all of those I still have can finally stop worrying about me.
This fight is mine.
But they are what I fight for.
They are who I see when the darkness tries to snuff out the light.
I tried fighting for myself and that was why I was losing.
They give me strength they keep me fighting.
For that I love them and in the end I will look at them and say.
Today is finally the day.