Hooker Talk

 
His accent was kinda half-hearted-Harvard
and the ill fitting suit sort of screamed
like a badly parked SUV
blocking someone's driveway.
 
I put on my best Friday smile
and asked him right up front
to get his wallet out
there and then.
 
The trouble with these hick
country boys is that although
they know what to do with their mouths
they don't always know
how to put their money
where their mouth is.
 
They think they're doing you
some kind of big favor
when I can make more bucks in one night
than his shitty little business does in a month
and that's after I've paid all my overheads.
 
In my line of work they can be quite high
but I've always believed in taking out
the best insurance you can buy
on account of I never was much good
with a pitchfork.
 
Why that could give me callouses
on these poor little hands
and then where would I be,
back of the welfare line
and not even enough dollars for make up.
 
And who wants to sit around
eating TV dinners,
living like trailer trash
with not a dime to your name
- no sir,
I work hard at my career
and still find time
to go to church on Sundays.
 
I dine on lobster and champagne.
You see this ring - well, that's genuine
Cart-i-yay - it was a present from
one of my biggest admirers,
so nobody in their right mind
would go mistaking me
for one of those poor lot lizard girls
now would they?