It's Not That Simple

It was 1 in the morning
We sat on your back porch
Summer had already settled into our lives like a low hanging plague of locusts
Suffocating and irritating, barely livable
But here we sat, cigarettes in our hands, hair freshly washed
I turned on some music because I couldn't think of a better way to make this moment last
And for once
You sang along
We both sang along, lyrics you showed me that I have learned to love
"We harmonize well"
That made me smile
But paradise doesn't always last
And eventually dark clouds bring tropical storms onto sandy beaches
"I cant do it anymore babe, I don't have the confidence..."
"I don't sing anymore..."
"Ever since Johnny decided to leave us..."
"And then Steve- the cancer came so quickly..."
"Having to bury two brothers- two band mates in the same year..."
"Making music has never been the same..."
He dug his face into my chest, I wrapped my arms around his neck, listening to the small attempts to stifle his sobs
"It just isn't fair baby..."
I didn't know what to do, what to say, I just held him
We traded "I'm sorry"s like playground kisses
Scared; him trying to catch his breath and my voice barely allowing itself to be above a whisper
 "God this is stupid..."
I recognized this, the moment of tragedy and tears when you realize whats going on
The world falls back into place around you and suddenly the snot and hiccups are embarrassing
"I'm done being a big bitch..."
I held him tighter
"Don't bury this even further and act like you're ok- you gotta let it out..."
I tried holding back tears myself
"I just miss them so much..."

Tragedy- no matter how well (or not well) you deal with it
Never becomes easier
It ebbs and flows, rolling tides of a cold, dark ocean
Sometimes its nothing but the sea mist gently grazing your hands
Sometimes the waves are over your head and suddenly you're underwater
Hoping you can hold your breath long enough for the water to recede