deepundergroundpoetry.com
Trigger Finger
Some days
I wake to the tremors
Of a slow, rhythmic drum
Leaning my head against the barrel
Of a fully loaded gun.
It’s an endless, hopeless feeling
That the rope will never end
There are vultures in the distance
Expecting to ascend.
You want me to come back?
Another round with my crippled soul?
You want another chance, you say,
Without me you’re not whole.
I know exactly what I’ll do
I‘ll reflect on it all night
And when the morning comes
I’ll give in without a fight.
Some days
I wake to the tremors.
Of a slow rhythmic drum
Leaning my head against the barrel
My trigger finger getting numb.
I wake to the tremors
Of a slow, rhythmic drum
Leaning my head against the barrel
Of a fully loaded gun.
It’s an endless, hopeless feeling
That the rope will never end
There are vultures in the distance
Expecting to ascend.
You want me to come back?
Another round with my crippled soul?
You want another chance, you say,
Without me you’re not whole.
I know exactly what I’ll do
I‘ll reflect on it all night
And when the morning comes
I’ll give in without a fight.
Some days
I wake to the tremors.
Of a slow rhythmic drum
Leaning my head against the barrel
My trigger finger getting numb.
Published 20th Jun 2017
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likes 5
reading list entries 0
comments 4
reads 770
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Fine free verse.
only bit in my cold, honest critique would be, omission of all of L5 as it will make it stronger. The final word of L4 is doing the job of whole of L5.
L9 is a bit confusing as vultures are taken as circling in the sky and descend on their expected meal.
The repetation of first 3 lines in the end is working well.
Expression.
only bit in my cold, honest critique would be, omission of all of L5 as it will make it stronger. The final word of L4 is doing the job of whole of L5.
L9 is a bit confusing as vultures are taken as circling in the sky and descend on their expected meal.
The repetation of first 3 lines in the end is working well.
Expression.
It's a shame & a tragedy to hear that you will be giving in to this beast, unless of course this was written a while ago when you were more vulnerable. I hope you have moved on to something better & more stable in the meantime. I, too like the repeated intro, giving this poem a feeling of going around in circles without hope of escape.
21st Jun 2017 2:25am
22nd Jun 2017 1:47am
This was a much more difficult, and potent read in terms of its reality. The psychology of your dilemma is very present here. The want, and ease of letting it happen (for the sake of not hurting) with the same equal and opposite force of doubt and regret. But it remains a quieter voice. Light your Will on fire.
