The Elephant's Birthday Party

It was Henry Elephant’s birthday, his anticipation was growing
He was buzzing about the birthday party he was throwing
Henry sprung out of bed and was super excited
He picked up the list of all the friends he’d invited
Simon Peregrine was the first person he went to call for
After a while, Simon’s Mum came to the door

“He’s not coming out he’s been a naughty young peregrine
He’s only gone and got himself addicted to heroin
He won’t do the dishes and he won’t cut the grass
He just sits in his room shooting smack in his ass
His actions have left me completely dumbfounded
Until he kicks his habit, that bird’s staying grounded”

It was a shame Si’s a smack head but he had other buddies
Ian Zebra was back home from completing his studies
But when he got to Ian’s he saw lions round a carcass
One looked up a snarled, it was their old bully, Marcus

“I’m sorry old bean but Ian won’t be attending
Our last encounter finished with our friend’s life ending
And so, for that reason I fear he won’t make it
When I see an opportunity to eat, I take it
Though your offer is gracious I fear it’s irrelevant
Because I fancy dessert…and I could murder an elephant”

After a narrow escape, Henry got away
It had been a very peculiar start to the day
But he still had invites, that was when he thought “I know”
I’ll go and invite my good friend, Barneveld Rhino
He pulled the invite from his bag where it was kept for safekeeping
But as he walked up the drive, Barney’s Mum was there, weeping

“waahhhh it hurts so much they took my firstborn
He was in the garden playing when he was killed for his horn
I ran outside and that was when I got an eyeful
As his head was blown up with a shot from a rifle
I lost my baby and now my life is a husk
He was killed in cold blood for his ivory tusk”

Things started to look bleak but Henry wasn’t dejected
The fact his friends were dead left his mood unaffected
With a skip in his step he went to see his next friend
And this was a guy on which he could depend
Darnell Leopard was a great guy and had a great life
Though at the door he was confronted by an irate wife

“oh snap I aint seen that cheatin’ fool since I kicked his ass out
That deadbeat mother fuckers been sleeping about
After last time he swore it wouldn’t happen again
But I see everything fool, this here my domain
Working late, two phones, yeah I connected the dots
I guess it’s true what they say, a leopard can’t change his spots”
 
That was it, he was alone, there was nothing else for it
Suicide was the only way out as he saw it
He went up to the highest point he could find
Not thinking about the people that he would leave behind
As he bundled off the cliff and watched the ground come to meet him
He spied all his friends on the plain gathered to greet him

Simon hasn’t got a drug problem and Darnell wasn’t unfaithful
It was all just a joke his friends were all feeling playful
Barney wasn’t dead he’d been by the waterfront
Marcus really ate Ian but he’s always been a cunt
So there would be a party but with a different surprise
The irony sunk in and he smiled as he met his demise