deepundergroundpoetry.com
The War Within
I have been conflicted as of late
I am at war with my flesh
I make a good face for those around me
But inside my mind is a mess
My thoughts cascade to a variety of things
That I dare not say out loud
At times I don't recognize myself when I muse
Some thoughts are so dark, mean, and proud
My eyes are the worst
They go to where they know they should not go
but still
they go
My imagination takes over and creates a fantasy
A fallacy
Where I entertain with my senses of what is not there but only in the theatre of my mind
Where smells, taste, and touch is almost all to real and I shut out what's in front of me
I indulge my creativity
Pushing forth for art's sake
As if art gave a shit
I try to hide under the lie of self improvement where there is only self
My actions and my words are sweet and kind, but I feel like they are the lie
The dark, lying, lustful person in my mind is the truth
The war I feel isn't over content of thought but of my motivation
Today I am repulsed by what creeps in my head, but tomorrow I will revel in it
Roll in it
Surround myself in it
The war is I don't want my weaknesses to win
Ground is gained and ground is lost, both sides take casualties
But what is the state of my heart?
The only comfort I take is that the war still rages
I'm still bothered
It's the point where it doesn't bother me that I have lost
I am at war with my flesh
I make a good face for those around me
But inside my mind is a mess
My thoughts cascade to a variety of things
That I dare not say out loud
At times I don't recognize myself when I muse
Some thoughts are so dark, mean, and proud
My eyes are the worst
They go to where they know they should not go
but still
they go
My imagination takes over and creates a fantasy
A fallacy
Where I entertain with my senses of what is not there but only in the theatre of my mind
Where smells, taste, and touch is almost all to real and I shut out what's in front of me
I indulge my creativity
Pushing forth for art's sake
As if art gave a shit
I try to hide under the lie of self improvement where there is only self
My actions and my words are sweet and kind, but I feel like they are the lie
The dark, lying, lustful person in my mind is the truth
The war I feel isn't over content of thought but of my motivation
Today I am repulsed by what creeps in my head, but tomorrow I will revel in it
Roll in it
Surround myself in it
The war is I don't want my weaknesses to win
Ground is gained and ground is lost, both sides take casualties
But what is the state of my heart?
The only comfort I take is that the war still rages
I'm still bothered
It's the point where it doesn't bother me that I have lost
Published 31st May 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 4
reads 746
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Anonymous
31st May 2017 6:13pm
Lately I've come to the conclusion that there is a global struggle going on. I talk to so many people who seem to be experiencing emotional upheaval of one kind or another. All I can say is this is brilliantly written, I hope you find some resolution and I hope like hell that if it's global it culminates in some sort of global enlightenment.
31st May 2017 7:19pm
I hope for a wider revelation into stability. There will always be some kind of struggle due to our nature as flawed people, but it's finding a strong stance in the middle. Thanks for your words and the read.
1st Jun 2017 2:53am
1st Jun 2017 11:20am
I'm happy this spoke to you. This was helpful to just express how I felt instead of trying to actively put something together. The struggle is still there, but it helps to call it out.
