deepundergroundpoetry.com
Mama's Spaghetti
It exploded and the gentle breeze
Enveloped it
Dispersing its aura
To all and sundry
It flowed through the stink
And washed out its mess
It passed by the dirt
And cleaned out its stench
Mama's spaghetti
Such is its magic
Blindfolding nostrils
Exploding rainbows
Enveloped it
Dispersing its aura
To all and sundry
It flowed through the stink
And washed out its mess
It passed by the dirt
And cleaned out its stench
Mama's spaghetti
Such is its magic
Blindfolding nostrils
Exploding rainbows
Published 24th May 2017
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24th May 2017 00:42am
Excellent imagery, especially that final stanza ( where it's should be its, btw ( autocorrect strikes again )).
Blindfolding nostrils
And exploding rainbows...
Wow.
I'm wondering if "And" is needed? If perhaps a simple comma ( or nothing ) after nostrils would suffice and slice out the extraneous?
Anyway, excellent verse.
Blindfolding nostrils
And exploding rainbows...
Wow.
I'm wondering if "And" is needed? If perhaps a simple comma ( or nothing ) after nostrils would suffice and slice out the extraneous?
Anyway, excellent verse.
Thank you so much for this comment, especially for pointing out the mistake. Nothing can be compared to a fresh pair of eyes. I equally appreciate the suggestions, it'll only make the work better.
I'll edit as necessary.
I'll edit as necessary.
