Long & Lost

Last year on June  8th I accidentally overdosed.
It was a horrible feeling.
By the time everything was in my system, it was around midnight.
I was soaking wet and cold, walking through the woods to get back to my car.
We had just seen Florence + The Machine play, OMAM opening for them.
I couldn't feel my body at all, didn't know how I was walking or standing.
Everything was in slow motion.
My friends would try and talk to me but it sounded like they were miles away.
I had to have my friend Ty drive back to the hotel because I was shaking.

Looking back at that night, I wanted to live.

I almost threw up in the elevator up to our room.
My ex-girlfriend literally had to pick me up and carry me.
All I remember after arriving at the hotel is touching my face a lot and singing to myself.

When we got into our room, my two other friends went to bed right away.
My girlfriend at the time put me down on our bed and left to ask the front desk if they had Tylenol.

The door shut and I rolled off the bed, crawled to the bathroom.
Used all my strength to stand up, looked in the mirror.
I was pale, my lips were the same color as my fingernails: blue.
Couldn't tell if I was sweating or if it was just rain from the concert.
I closed my eyes to blink and when I opened them I was on the floor.

The floor was so cold and I was so tired.

"What do we do?!" someone yelled from beyond the bathroom door.
"We can't call 911."
"Do we take her to the hospital?"
"Should I call her mom?"
"What did she take? What the FUCK did she take?!"

The door flew open and my girlfriend along with Ty picked me up by my hands and feet.
They put me in the bathtub with my clothes still on.
Then they turned the shower on, don't remember how it felt.
I didn't feel it.
My eyesight got so blurry after that I kept my eyes closed.

My chest hurt so much.
It hurt to breathe.

When I finally came to a little bit later, someone's hand was in my mouth.
I threw up everywhere.
A horrible mix of booze, half dissolved pills.

Once I caught my breath I stood up and walked out of the bathroom.
Bits and pieces are hazy.
Ty and Ebonee were crying in bed, hugging each other, shaking.
I tried to ask them what the hell was the matter, as it was 2 a.m. and they should be asleep by now.
They didn't respond.

Why were they so upset?
The concert was super fun.
The day was amazing and we had just graduated.
It's not like I was sick anymore, either.
I was walking and I could think clearly again.
My speech wasn't slurred.
I felt like I could run a marathon.

I went to walk back into the bathroom but only got as far as the door.
For in Ashtyn's arms was someone who looked a little like me.
She had medium length brown hair, brown eyes... dark circles...
Oh.
It was me.

Absolutely terrified, I screamed and closed my eyes.

The next thing I knew, I was on the floor again, coughing and gasping wildly for air.
I spent the next hour throwing up and crying.

By the time it was 3 a.m., I was able to walk out of the bathroom by myself.
Ebonee and Ty hugged me when they saw me and cried even more.
I told them to shut it and to get to bed as we were leaving early.
Ashtyn went to bed once she was sure I was okay.
I went to sleep after everyone else, once I was sure they were all okay again.