deepundergroundpoetry.com
SAVAGERY
There the rigid tremble
Where the fragile hold tight
Framed by a morning not yet dawn
And a strutting stork with beating wings
Heartless beats to a savagery of footsteps
An early blue tit bobs the wind like words
Sung furiously at daylight
hay-ho hay-oh let them go
Heavens there's another violin
Cat gut strings gnawing at a cold fish
In the centre of an empty bed
I wonder if we ever made love
Or was it just powder and make up
And shouting
Shouting to one too far gone to call back
What new savagery
Would those footsteps bring
Take pause before this poem ends
Where the fragile hold tight
Framed by a morning not yet dawn
And a strutting stork with beating wings
Heartless beats to a savagery of footsteps
An early blue tit bobs the wind like words
Sung furiously at daylight
hay-ho hay-oh let them go
Heavens there's another violin
Cat gut strings gnawing at a cold fish
In the centre of an empty bed
I wonder if we ever made love
Or was it just powder and make up
And shouting
Shouting to one too far gone to call back
What new savagery
Would those footsteps bring
Take pause before this poem ends
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likes 11
reading list entries 1
comments 18
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The author encourages honest critique.
Re. SAVAGERY
Anonymous
11th May 2017 5:08pm
very dark indeed. Can be taken many ways too.
It's powerful what you did to stagger the ending.
awesome ink, whale
thanks for the read :)
It's powerful what you did to stagger the ending.
awesome ink, whale
thanks for the read :)
1
Re: Re. SAVAGERY
12th May 2017 1:19pm
Thanks Miki - an ambivalence because it doesn't matter who is which in a relationship as in any one time the other could play the part🙏🏽
Re. SAVAGERY
11th May 2017 7:46pm
Re: Re. SAVAGERY
12th May 2017 1:20pm
Re. SAVAGERY
11th May 2017 8:22pm
I've read this three times and the emotional impact gets me each time.
I wanted to offer you some type of critique; however, may have to revisit for that.
Right now I just want to savor it.
I wanted to offer you some type of critique; however, may have to revisit for that.
Right now I just want to savor it.
1
Re: Re. SAVAGERY
12th May 2017 1:21pm
Re. SAVAGERY
At first glance...nothing. Then...on reading it again and again and again, hearing the different inflections in my voice as i emphasis different words, I see how powerful these words of yours are whale, the scene set within my minds eye as i read...again and savour them...so powerful 👍
1
Re: Re. SAVAGERY
12th May 2017 1:23pm
thank you Kate - I'm glad you appreciated this - so much of where we are is in our psyche
Re. SAVAGERY
12th May 2017 1:10am
Truly as said above..."Powerful" Whale...Dark times Written with Beauty of a Master Hand!!!
1
Re: Re. SAVAGERY
12th May 2017 1:55pm
Re. SAVAGERY
12th May 2017 7:14am
I had to reread it a few times to let it sink in and though I still not fully understand it, I feel it...
The ending and especially that last line, are really strong!
Great write, Whale!
The ending and especially that last line, are really strong!
Great write, Whale!
1
Re: Re. SAVAGERY
12th May 2017 1:56pm
Re. SAVAGERY
12th May 2017 1:24pm
they come here & read
& see a lot of it vaguely
& a little of it lucidly -
is that the savagery of a poem?...
& see a lot of it vaguely
& a little of it lucidly -
is that the savagery of a poem?...
1
Re: Re. SAVAGERY
12th May 2017 1:54pm
Yes sir...what is savage penetrates but rarely cleanly just like the act of writing itself
Re. SAVAGERY
12th May 2017 6:50pm
There is a lot packed into these words. I think the penultimate stanza is the crux and so the poem is well titled. I often pick the title out of a central line. Interesting themes here Whale. Your metaphors frame judgments/opinions artfully.
1
Re: Re. SAVAGERY
15th May 2017 7:13am
Re. SAVAGERY
28th May 2017 7:31am
So I've finally made my way to your pages
and I have to say this is quite exceptional.
Like others, I read, then reread, each time left more
amazed. Beautiful work...
and I have to say this is quite exceptional.
Like others, I read, then reread, each time left more
amazed. Beautiful work...
1
Re: Re. SAVAGERY
1st Jun 2017 5:34am
Kasai it's wonderful to find you here with kind words and affirmations - a great start to the day