Broken

I like this a lot about half-way. What I mean to say is that I like the content, it has a hard edge at times and you have expressed your feelings well. It does have a bit of a sing-songy flow to it, but never seems like a nersery rhyme, like it might make a better song lyric than poem. Rhyming can get that way and as someone who rhymes about 99% of the time, I sometimes don't even realize it until I go to read them out at open mic readings.

I just went back and read it again and something stuck out at me. The 4 line stanzas feel like they were ment to be 2 lines stanzas. I wonder if altering that and bringing the next two up into one stanza would help. The shortness of the lines seems to me what is creating that effect.
I hope you don't mind the critique, I can be that way. And I really do like the poem overall.

i like the rhyming scheme you have used here better than the a,a,b,b you have used on your others. it's a personal preference i s'ppose.
it felt right when i read it.

shine on!

Um yes everything that poetry man said!

Not commenting myself, because I don`t want to come accross as some kinda poetry stalker type, who writes all over the comments sections of RedEmma's work!

"Giggle"