deepundergroundpoetry.com
The trials and tribulations of a depressive. i.
I have written
thousands of words
and spoke few.
My opinions
do not matter
I do not matter
I am a ball
of strangely
arranged energy
A brain
that thinks
it knows better
than my heart.
It usually fucking does...
I miss the
way separation
anxiety was the
only wave
of the stuff that
hit.
Now, I can't even
order a coffee
properly
I
s t u m b l e
over the names
of coffees from
lands not my own
without knowing
where I come from.
Your Mother's cunt
is not an acceptable
answer, dipshit.
-----
I am tired
but it is not
a sleep deprivation
sort of tired.
it's the psychological
weight pushing itself
down through my body and
settling at my feet
only it rocks in
my ankles so
I can't step
on it.
I need the sun
my own
company
good drinks
beautiful cigarettes
Parliaments?
No sir, I smoke
Marlboro's or
Rothman's
My hands are
always cold
my heart is
always warm
because it longs
to reach into an abyss
and find something
Anything...
My insides
are a sore
My outsides
disgust the eyes
I wish I wasn't
scared of leaving.
I wish I wasn't
scared of leaving
people behind.
I wish I didn't have
a backlog of failed attempts
that put me
off.
I'm finished with
the world but
it is not
finished with
me.
---------------
Yes I'm aware of how shit this is.
thousands of words
and spoke few.
My opinions
do not matter
I do not matter
I am a ball
of strangely
arranged energy
A brain
that thinks
it knows better
than my heart.
It usually fucking does...
I miss the
way separation
anxiety was the
only wave
of the stuff that
hit.
Now, I can't even
order a coffee
properly
I
s t u m b l e
over the names
of coffees from
lands not my own
without knowing
where I come from.
Your Mother's cunt
is not an acceptable
answer, dipshit.
-----
I am tired
but it is not
a sleep deprivation
sort of tired.
it's the psychological
weight pushing itself
down through my body and
settling at my feet
only it rocks in
my ankles so
I can't step
on it.
I need the sun
my own
company
good drinks
beautiful cigarettes
Parliaments?
No sir, I smoke
Marlboro's or
Rothman's
My hands are
always cold
my heart is
always warm
because it longs
to reach into an abyss
and find something
Anything...
My insides
are a sore
My outsides
disgust the eyes
I wish I wasn't
scared of leaving.
I wish I wasn't
scared of leaving
people behind.
I wish I didn't have
a backlog of failed attempts
that put me
off.
I'm finished with
the world but
it is not
finished with
me.
---------------
Yes I'm aware of how shit this is.
Published 31st Mar 2017
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 6
reading list entries 0
comments 12
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31st Mar 2017 8:28pm
You can feel the frustration and the darkness... Try and try with all your might and it seems you end up right where you started from and the hole you tried to climb out of swallows you back up again..... Like the flow in the piece....
~BSavvy
~BSavvy
31st Mar 2017 8:51pm
31st Mar 2017 11:03pm
I don't think it is shit at all. I tend to love my writes more than anything except my mother. lol I love stanzas 1 and 3 in particular, but the work as a whole really grabbed me. I have bipolar disorder, it's a roller coaster. I know what it is like to be depressed so bad that self defenestration from a tall building sounds sweet as an ice cream sundae. Depression so deep your bones hurt.
31st Mar 2017 11:12pm
Thank you for your continued support. I think the ending sucks but I don't have the will to work with it to make it stronger. Mental health is a bitch.. only it's one you can't fuck, which sucks. Much love and thanks for your continued support and comments xxx
1st Apr 2017 1:44am
I really like this, there's something about spitting out primal and gutsy words and lines that makes a great poem, and the choppiness, if there is any, only reinforces the subject in this case, I think that feeling your poem is shit is part of being creative, I often feel that way too then I am proved wrong by positive comments....
1st Apr 2017 11:43am
1st Apr 2017 3:35pm
"I'm finished with
the world but
it is not
finished with
me." > I know this feeling all to well...
Shivers you gave me... shivers...
the world but
it is not
finished with
me." > I know this feeling all to well...
Shivers you gave me... shivers...
1st Apr 2017 4:06pm
Do we ever truly know when the world is finished with us? Maybe the fact that our demons attack whenever possible is a sign, but who knows. Thank you as always. I love you!
1st Apr 2017 8:32pm
1st Apr 2017 8:47pm
Anonymous
19th Apr 2017 8:30am
this took me there...
much respect!!
much respect!!
20th Apr 2017 00:10am
