On Heroin; or 'you fuck me up just as much'

P

I saw you today,
Mapped your voice.

You ignored me
I just drank
you in silently
You had a job
I had a function

I laugh way too hard
when you're around
and break too much
when you disintegrate

please never stop talking
Ever,please?

I joked with a friend
"Can we walk him
Up North, how did
He end up here?"

More laughs.
More him looking
Anywhere but at me.

I tell a friend I
Need to go and
Make my excuses
---she leaves with me---

My heart balancing on
beams.
Excited to see you again
this afternoon
There's always an again
There's always a next class

I didn't see you
The year ends
before I'll ever
See you again
There's no more
'One more chance' scenarios
No more awe at the
Way you smile

No more wonder
No more you watching me
Me watching you
No more...chance.