A Week In The Life Of Edith Brown

It’s eight ‘o’ clock on Monday morning
And a certain someone is on the bus to town
It’s the start of another hectic week
In the life of Edith Brown

At ten she meets her old friend Pam
In the Pink Teapot Cafe
There'll be tea and cakes waiting for her
And as usual Pam won’t let her pay

Pam will moan about her husband Fred
Who’s the laziest man on earth
Ever since she married him
He’s been more trouble than he’s worth

Edith will listen attentively
But she’s cautious to offer advice
Pam can be very defensive
Sometimes downright nasty to be precise

When the tea and cakes are drunk and eaten
Edith and Pam go their separate ways
No hug as they part company
Cos Pam's not keen on public displays

Edith goes home and does some ironing
Then sits down to watch TV
With a cuppa and a plate of digestives
On a lap-tray upon her knee

When seven-thirty comes around
It’s time for Edith to put up her feet
With a steaming cup of hot chocolate
Watching Coronation Street

She goes to bed at ten-thirty
And wakes up each day at six
After a glass of hot water and lemon
Her fried breakfast she will fix

Two eggs, two sausages and a slice of fried bread
She eats the same thing every day
She’s just about due for her cholesterol check
Goodness knows what her doctor will say

Tuesday is the day she bakes
Cakes she’s not supposed to eat
She uses guesswork for the measures
And ends up with enough cakes to feed the street

On Wednesday Edith plays Bridge
With some friends she’s known for years
Sometimes they play in her sitting room
Other times they play in theirs

One particular friend called Sally
Plays her cards close to her chest
She makes up the rules to suit herself
Much to the dismay of the rest

Whenever she is playing
She likes a large glass of gin
And when someone has a bit of luck
She swears down she's let them win

On Thursdays, Edith goes to the market
Where there are bargains to be found
But the site is on a car-park
Where large potholes are profound

Many a time she’s almost dislocated
Her newly-fitted plastic hip
Not looking where she’s going
And resulting in a trip

The stalls are full of varied things
From furniture to lemonade
Electrical appliances and ornaments
And lots of lamps without a shade

Friday afternoons, Edith goes to the cinema
To see the latest blockbuster
Her favourite film is ‘Son of the Morning Star’
In which Gary Cole played General Custer

At the weekend she takes it easy
Doing a crossword or reading a book
She hopes that no-one needs to contact her
Because her phone is off the hook

She’s got tired of cold-callers
Wanting to know who’s her energy supplier
They pestered her so much
She felt like disconnecting the telephone wire

She’s had a laid-back weekend
Now it’s time to go to sleep
Before Monday morning comes
And the start of another busy week

If you pop into the Pink Teapot Cafe
When you’re in the town
The lady at the table near the window
Is the one and only Edith Brown