deepundergroundpoetry.com
Panic Relief
Drowning, splashing, holding breath
Concealed appearance, unknown depth
Panic stricken, silent grief
Hearing no sirens of relief
Waves of turbulence almost crushing
Adrenaline streams madly rushing
Liquid salt of the eyes, a betrayal
White flag flown, weakness’s portrayal
Slow down to drift, amid the tide
Release control, let it subside
Belief in an end, self-rescue
Breathing again, as if on cue
Head above water, tread efficiently
Swim to shore, meritoriously
Feeling secure, sand under toe
A lifetime away, from moments ago
Concealed appearance, unknown depth
Panic stricken, silent grief
Hearing no sirens of relief
Waves of turbulence almost crushing
Adrenaline streams madly rushing
Liquid salt of the eyes, a betrayal
White flag flown, weakness’s portrayal
Slow down to drift, amid the tide
Release control, let it subside
Belief in an end, self-rescue
Breathing again, as if on cue
Head above water, tread efficiently
Swim to shore, meritoriously
Feeling secure, sand under toe
A lifetime away, from moments ago
Published 11th Mar 2017
| Edited 29th Apr 2017
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The author encourages honest critique.
11th Mar 2017 8:05pm
I really like it - you're always so deep and well articulated.
Just a couple of suggestions for flow:
In the following maybe take out the ('ing') so the syllables match and the flow is the same:
Panic stricken, silent grief
Hear('ing') no sirens of relief
Maybe find a two syllable word here instead of "allow to"
Slow down drift, amid the tide
Release control, allow to ('slowly' or 'let it') subside
Just a couple of suggestions for flow:
In the following maybe take out the ('ing') so the syllables match and the flow is the same:
Panic stricken, silent grief
Hear('ing') no sirens of relief
Maybe find a two syllable word here instead of "allow to"
Slow down drift, amid the tide
Release control, allow to ('slowly' or 'let it') subside
11th Mar 2017 8:18pm
Great feedback! I changed both Thank you for the suggestion and for the compliment. Very much appreciated:)
Anonymous
11th Mar 2017 11:52pm
I'm glad your panic attack subsided. Nice flow & selection of words here.
12th Mar 2017 00:21am
