deepundergroundpoetry.com
Self Abuse
Tear off the sheets
Breathe in the bleach
One more minute, one more day
Time winds and your sanity bleeds for weeks
weak.
...
End it already.
Breathe in the bleach
One more minute, one more day
Time winds and your sanity bleeds for weeks
weak.
...
End it already.
Published 19th Aug 2011
| Edited 20th Aug 2011
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likes 2
reading list entries 0
comments 4
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
20th Aug 2011 6:04pm
Interesting theme! And I like how you played it. But for me, the structuring killed the flow. I would like to see a better flow in the lines. But I love the way your ideas moved.
Also, IMO, "Breathe in bleach" sounds better than Breath. Is it a typo?
Also, IMO, "Breathe in bleach" sounds better than Breath. Is it a typo?
20th Aug 2011 9:42pm
Thank you.
And yes, it's a typo.
>.< I need to learn how to better edit.
And yes, it's a typo.
>.< I need to learn how to better edit.
29th Nov 2011 5:01pm
It leaves so many people angry and empty. I know. My beloved sister committed suicide in 2001. It's not a joke to write about unless you're crying out for help. Suicide isn't funny, and it's not something you should write flitty little poems about unless you are trying to ask people to save you. Extremely offensive. Great job.
24th May 2012 6:06pm
This really captures the way self destruction really is, the way I remember the feeling, anyway.
