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“You'd never marry him”  
“Never!”  
“Over my dead body”  
Mama screamed angrily  
Alisha felt a knot  
building in her throat  
“Mama but I lov…”  
She trembled, holding back tears  
Mama slapped her face hard  
“You belong to Yellamma”  
“Drill that into your dense skull”  
Mama stormed out  
 
She sobbed frantically  
 
My story  
 
The sun shone weakly  
The breeze blew gently  
The golden and scarlet coloured leaves danced gallantly  
It was a beautiful day  
Her sari flowed with the tender wind  
Fall had slowly creeped in,  
like a softly sung hymn  
I squeezed her right hand tightly  
“Oucchhh”  
She made a mock cry  
as she looked sadly at me  
I grinned at her and hugged her  
“So you think this is funny eh? Leave me”  
She bellowed at me jokingly  
I stuck my tongue out playfully  
“I am gonna do mine back, just wait”  
She continued  
“You'd have to catch me first”  
I taunted her as I ran towards the woods ahead  
She swore under her breath  
and ran towards me  
The woods looked beautiful  
Rusted leaves surrounded the ground  
I found a big tree  
and hid behind it  
“Where are you?”  
“I am going to catch you and beat you up”  
Her voice echoed  
I laughed quietly  
as she searched fruitlessly for me  
The tree I was hiding  
was skirted by the autumn leaves  
making it hard for her to find me  
She slowed down to catch her breath  
She had walked past the tree I was  
I could see a bit of worry register  
on her face  
She was hoping she hadn't lost me  
to the woods  
“Haaaaaaaaaaa”  
I screamed as I jumped out of the tree,  
landing directly behind her  
She turned around swiftly,  
quivering in fear  
“You scared the sh…”  
I lifted her up and kissed her  
before she could complete her sentence  
She smiled shyly  
I looked at her eyes  
and brushed off a stuck leaf from her hair  
“I love you baby”  
I hugged her tightly  
“I love you too bambino”  
We both chuckled  
I held her hand  
and led her out of the woods  
The air was brisk  
The sun hung low in the sky,  
Its rays radiating through the leaves  
Illuminating its yellow and orange veins  
It was a beautiful day  
We were in love  
I kissed her forehead  
 
 
“Do you love me?”  
She asked softly  
“Yeah baby, I do”  
I replied smiling  
“How do you know baby?”  
She pressed  
“There's this peace I feel  
when I am with you”  
“Like drinking cold water  
in a desert”  
“Like nothing else matters”  
“I can't explain it”  
 
 She blushed sheepishly  
 
 
Her story  
 
The house was quiet  
Well, other than the chirping crickets outside  
Or the gentle rustle of the leaves  
The orange hue from the scented candle  
dimly lit my mud bedroom  
Tears wriggled down my cheeks  
I did not bother wiping them off  
“Why me? Why me?”  
I soliloquized  
I looked at my mattress  
My yellow sari laid on it    
It was beautiful,  
very beautiful  
It had floral embroideries embedded  
in it  
Jasmine flowers to be precise  
The flower signified sensuality and grace  
Tomorrow was the day  
The thought made my stomach churn  
“Oh papa”  
“Papa if you were here this  
would not be happening”  
More tears sprung to my eyes now  
Papa sold bamboos  
Well, he used to  
before he died  
He slipped while climbing a tree  
and died instantaneously when  
he landed on the ground  
Nothing had been the same ever since  
Mama barely spoke now  
Papa’s death hit her hard  
“Alisha, Tomorrow is the day”  
“Are you ready?”  
Mama’s voice quickly jerked me back to reality  
I quickly wiped the tears off my face  
She looked at me for a moment  
Her gaze said it all  
She had seen me crying  
She shifted her gaze to the mattress  
as if trying to push back an emotion  
Tomorrow was the ceremony  
Yellamma’s ceremony  
She slowly looked at me  
flashing a weak smile  
“You would look so beautiful”  
Her eyes bore a certain sadness  
that ached my heart  
She brushed my hair with her hands  
“I borrowed these jewelries from the  
priestess at the temple”  
“Aren't they nice?”  
She reached to a nylon bag  
to retrieve the jewelries  
Gold bangles, necklaces  
and anklets.  
They brightened the room lightly  
By this time tomorrow  
I would have turned seventeen  
Also by this time tomorrow  
I would have been dedicated to  
Yellamma- the goddess of the fallen,  
to serve as a devadasi (servant of god)  
I would be a prostitute for god    
My virginity would be auctioned  
to a group of perverse bastards  
I would have to sleep with various men  
to provide for my family,  
for mama and I.  
“Go to sleep”  
“Tomorrow would be a long  
and busy day”  
She kissed my forehead  
“Good night mama”  
I replied,  
smiled weakly  
I laid on my mattress  
My alarm rang  
It was time  
I blew out the candle  
Darkness  
   
“Don't baby”  
“You could get killed”  
“There has to be another way”  
“Please don't”  
She cried ferociously  
“I have to baby”  
“There's no other way”  
I replied  
holding back tears  
“I love you. I love you”  
I kissed her forehead repeatedly  
She slumped into my arms, wailing even louder  
 
She shook uncontrollably  
 
My  story  
 
The night’s air was unusually still  
It must have sensed my emotions  
Nausea swarmed through my guts  
I slapped myself in the face  
“You can do this”  
“You can do this”  
“This is the only way”  
I screamed as I reiterated the words  
Slapping myself even harder  
I couldn't afford to lose confidence now  
I removed my black leather gloves from my jacket    
My sweaty hands made them hard to wear  
I wiped my hands on my pants  
and attempted wearing them again  
This time it fit perfectly  
I put my black ski mask on  
and took a deep breath    
“Get on the ground every body  
Now, Now”  
“You You  You too”  
“Get on the ground”  
I screamed as I pointed my gun at everyone  
The Asian convenience store owner raised  
her both hands up  
She stammered something in Chinese  
Her face was as pale as a porcelain doll  
 “I don't know what you are saying”  
“I don't care really, give me all the money”  
“Money. Money”  
I pointed the gun at her  
My hands shook like a jelly  
She shook like a withered leaf  
I made the counting money gesture  
“Fast. Quick. Money. Fast”  
I looked around,  
agitated  
It was a large store  
The store had no visible camera  
Even if it did, I was masked  
I sighted a red dot beaming from a corner  
A camera  
“Fuck Fuck Fuck”  
I mumbled  
Urine snaked down my pants  
She emptied the money  
into a large paper bag  
“That's enough”  
“How much…much  
 is that?”  
I asked quavering  
 “Five...”  
Boom Boom Boom  
A sudden sharp pain swept my head  
I turned around in shock  
A burly angry male figure  
He held a bloodied block of wood  
An involuntary shiver ran down my spine  
I felt blood simmer down my head  
My heart rate doubled  
My breath thickened  
I felt another pain in my head  
My arms, my back, my legs  
I felt the gun fall out of my hand  
as I collapsed slowly to the floor  
“Tell her I did it for her”  
“Tell her I love her”  
I felt my lips move  
Air came out of my mouth  
Words could not  
“Tell her we would meet in heaven  
and I'd marry her there”  
A tear dropped from my left eye  
“Tell her…”  
I saw a dark form chase me into  
a thick, engulfing darkness  
Images of the love of my life,  
Alisha,  
flickered through my brain  
Garden…flower  
Alisha…kisses  
Smiles…laughter  
“Sahil Sahil”  
“Come with me”  
Alisha’s voice filled my head  
Her voice warmed my heart  
Was this real?  
Her face slowly surfaced from the darkness  
Her angelic face brightened my dark world  
She walked steadily towards me  
“Come with me”  
She repeated,  
There was something about her smile  
Something that made me long for her  
Something that wanted me to comfort her  
She reached out to hold my hands  
“Alisha, my baby”  
“I am coming”  
“I am coming”  
I stretched my hands to hold hers  
Just as our hands almost touched,  
the dark form from the darkness emerged  
and pulled me away  
“Alisha Alisha Alisha”  
“Don't let him take me”  
“Don't let…Please”  
I threw my legs and hands violently in protest  
The air thickened  
The thumping in my heart stopped  
My breathing stilled  
Silence  
My eyes closed  
Darkness.  
 
“What would you do if you had one million?”  
She asked me smirking  
“That's a big question”  
I answered laughing  
“First of all, we'd move out of this village”  
“We would go to Mumbai”  
I paused for a second,  
thinking about the question again  
“We would go back to school  
and get our high school diplomas”  
“Then I would marry you”  
“We would have three beautiful children”  
 
She giggled vivaciously  
 
Her story  
 
I looked at the clocked for  
the one hundredth time  
My heart was firing missiles  
at least that's what it felt like    
He was meant to be here by now  
Ten minutes and forty seconds ago  
to be exact  
My instinct told me something was wrong  
I brushed the thought away  
No negative thinking  
I paced around my room  
“Please God”  
“Please God”  
“I hope he's fine”  
I muttered quickly under my breath  
The store was just a stone throw from  
my house  
Karnataka was a small village  
Everything was a stone throw  
from everything  
I wore my sari hurriedly  
and threw on a pair of slippers  
My body shook violently  
Something was wrong  
A certain uneasy feeling filled me  
up to my throat  
I opened the front door  
as quietly as I could  
The night’s air was warm  
I could hear a babel of voices from afar  
Angry voices  
Chants actually, for description sake  
“No No”  
“I hope it's not…i…it can't be”  
 I ran like a cheetah on steroids,  
like a man chased by possessed dogs  
My slippers came out of my feet  
My heart raced even faster now  
My thoughts began to run together  
Tears began to stream effortlessly  
“Sahil, God”  
“Tell me you're fine”  
“Sahil means guide. Guide me through this”  
“I don't know what to do”  
I ran more vigorously  
The chants became louder  
became nearer  
became clearer  
“Burn him burn him”  
Ing ge pan di kut teh  
My head scarf flew out my hair  
“No. No”  
“Please don't”  
“Please don't”  
I screamed as I ran  
I didn't give a care in a world  
I didn't care who looked at me  
Everyone knew everyone in Karnataka  
I finally approached the convenience store    
“Please don't. Please”  
“Please”  
“Kill me instead”  
I cried  
“Who are you?”  
“Take this female out of here”  
“Where's your mother?”  
“Shouldn't you be home?”  
They dismissed me  
“Kill me instead”  
I tore my way into the crowd  
Pushing my way through with every  
ounce of strength in me    
Blood  
Lots of blood  
A body  
Still  
Lifeless  
“Stop it. Stop”.  
“Please stop. Sahil baby”  
The men hit his body with rods  
“Stop please. Beat me instead”  
“Beat me instead. Burn me”  
I shouted even louder  
I laid on top of him  
Stretching my hands and legs  
Our bodies formed a cross like figure  
“He's not a robber”  
“He did this for me”  
“Kill me instead. Kill me Please”  
I closed my eyes,  
 waiting for the sticks to start raining  
What was life without Sahil?  
Who was Alisha without Sahil?  
He gave me a reason to smile  
A reason to be alive  
No beating would make me leave  
Seconds  
Minutes  
Eternity, at least that's what it felt like  
Silence  
I opened my eyes  
Where is everyone?  
Where did everyone go to?  
I looked around  
Empty  
Everyone had gone    
The sticks laid on the ground  
The beatings stopped  
I looked at Sahil  
He looked so at peace  
My heart whimpered in silence  
“Sahil. Sahil. My guide”  
“My lover. My baby”  
“Don't leave me like this”  
“You can't leave me like this”  
“Wake up baby. Please wake up”  
I kissed his forehead over and over  
 “You remember our plans?”  
“We'd move to Mumbai”  
“Work, get money, get married”  
“Even have three beautiful children”  
“You remember?”  
I chuckled between tears  
“Just wake up. Please. That's all I want”  
His body remained still on the floor  
A tear dropped from his eye  
I laid on his body and wailed  
and wailed  
and wailed  
Light
Bright light
I shuddered in fear  
What is going on?  
I opened my eyes
My body trembled hysterically
My eyes darted around the room suspiciously
“Alisha, It's okay. It's okay”  
“It's just a dream”  
“It's okay”  
“Everything is fine”  
“Mama is here”  
Hot sweat riddled my forehead
I was in my room  
on my bed.  
It was all a dream.  
 
The village beamed with  
red and white,  
the colour of Yellamma  
“I dedicate you now to Yellamma,  
the goddess of all things beautiful,  
the goddess of the fallen”  
The priest echoed  
“Today, you have become a Devadasi”  
“You belong to Yellamma,  
the temple  
and the men of the land”  
“Let the people celebrate”  
   
He wept ceaselessly