The sorrow day

The sadist felt no guilt as it made its way.
I woke knowing it would be different today.
Aware and ambivalent, there was no getting away.
The darkness and weather seemed normal, yet new
Papers with words were flying silently through.
The echos of beggers similized all my cries.
Colliding together seeking to breathe and not die.
The hope, still lives we want to be done.
The opinion of others rose with the sun
Your selfish, your weak, how could you think this is fun?
Summer of 2014, desire approched and anger for what she had seen,
Gave her the crave to meet with the fein.
The sun set went down with symphaty
It had no want in her ruining
The grass stood tall, it was a fresh coat of green
The air was was just right, the perfect filling
How did i not care behind the suns meaning
The blessing i threw filled it with grief
Its been so long though, can it just forgive me?
I want to feel better, i want better days
Were i know my family will be happy, & i wont be waisting my age
Theres something about the day i am in
That shouts for all of my sins
Worn out but present, there not siding with it
Showing there even done with this shit
The want and the want is never enough
Im done with myself, just please let me give up
I know i live in my sober mind
But instead of feeling the truth, i just go back and rewind
I forget all of this and remember how good i could feel
If the pain wasn't present and everyone else was just still
Relapsation occurs then im back at its knees
With my useless excuses. Its mad yet a bitterly pleased
Betrayed and wicked, it fights violently
The new demons im introduced to become part of me
Why did i do it now i cannot see
This useless human is my sad company
I hate that i love her, how could this be me?