deepundergroundpoetry.com
The Feeling
Love the feeling of skin on skin
Wild for your smooth, soft body
Want to be with you and within
Love the feeling of skin on skin
Nothing this right could be a sin,
Holding the curves of this hottie
Love the feeling of skin on skin
Wild for your smooth, soft body
Wild for your smooth, soft body
Want to be with you and within
Love the feeling of skin on skin
Nothing this right could be a sin,
Holding the curves of this hottie
Love the feeling of skin on skin
Wild for your smooth, soft body
Published 9th Aug 2011
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
9th Aug 2011 6:17am
I am grateful that I was introduced to the simple yet eloquent form of the triolet.
This small, repetitive eight line poem has changed the way I look at writing as a whole.
This small, repetitive eight line poem has changed the way I look at writing as a whole.
2nd May 2014 00:58am
I really like this style and from what I can tell, you did it quite well. I wasn't familiar with the term "triolet" before this, but from your poem and the other comment, I can tell pretty clearly what it is.
This poem has a nice rhythm and the only thing that really sticks out to me that I strongly suggest you change is the word "hottie"...somehow it seems out of place, perhaps it is too informal? I would recommend trying other words instead (change that line if you have to), but otherwise this is quite good!
This poem has a nice rhythm and the only thing that really sticks out to me that I strongly suggest you change is the word "hottie"...somehow it seems out of place, perhaps it is too informal? I would recommend trying other words instead (change that line if you have to), but otherwise this is quite good!
