Slit, Swallow (TRIGGER WARNING)

This is an extremely realistic poem for the young who are caught up in the pharmaceutical merry-go-round. And it breaks my heart to think how true this is for all of those who self harm just to feel something beyond the numb of drugs they're fed by a capitalist society lobbying for big pharma.  

This made my spirit bleed.

Edit: Shit, this is long, sorry...  
   
Actually, my sentiment on mental health medicines is the opposite. As someone young who had experience with bipolar medicine, I say that they do make a huge difference, not just as placebos or something. I've been lucky enough to find something that works for me, but has to stop for various reasons. There enters the cycle: on meds - get better - sudden off meds - relapse - suicidal - on meds - get better - off meds...    
   
Lithium worked, I was getting weaned off of it, at my lowest dose. I was almost done. Until the choice was taken out of my hands whether I want to continue or not. Lithium has been linked to mental wellness since the Ancient Greeks(though unaware).    
   
It is what led me to write this. I experience stigma even from my family. I am tired of being shamed for needing to take medicine for my illness, for my health. I'm tired of being shamed for asking help where I can properly get it. If it was something more tangible, like a broken bone or something more, I would not be ridiculed, I would not be called stupid for buying into these capitalists' games. If mental illness were taken more seriously, I could be on my last year of college next year and not a constant pain in the ass to my family(which they just reminded me, very painfully).    
   
I'm tired of wasting my youth this way when I know that I'm lucky enough to have ways to get better, if only someone could help me get it.    
   
I don't like romanticizing these things that makes many people suffer, though I admit I have the tendency to do that...I try to write this as honestly as I can. Writing is the safest way I can let things out.    
   
I sincerely thank you for taking the time to read this and sympathizing. I'm sad that it breaks your heart as well, so I send love to you, as much as this broken heart can handle...but I have to clarify what my intent is, as sensitive as it is, because it's different for everyone. I want those who need help to get it, even if it means taking some medicine, within reason, of course. This is just from my perception and recent experience.    
   
My spirit bleeds with you. I send hugs, dear Ahavati.    
   
   
Love and light always,    
   
tpd

Thank you for your gracious reply and clarification. I am referring to the corporate, for profit conglomerate whose soul focus is targeting youth and addicting them to pharmaceuticals for profit. Even parents in many cases don't have choices. If they decline treatment for their child DSS is called in for neglect.  
 
I am sure what was administered  by the ancient Greeks was pure and of nature, not manufactured with addictive additive components in the name of modern medicine.  
 
There is no shaming of you here. You need not apologize nor explain how you chose/choose to survive. It's your life, and for whatever reason that may be difficult to believe, you have chosen to experience this for what I believe to be a rising above.  
 
You may be positively dark, but you're also courageously light, and I admire and respect you for both.

You're welcome. :)

Now I see more of what you are saying, thank you. I did not know about that because it's different in where I live. I'm from a third world country in Asia, the Philippines, and things like mental illness are usually considered as "first world problem." Suicide rate is constantly rising here, mostly young people.

The shaming thing, well...it might be residual angst from a confrontation with my mom. Haha.

Thank you, Ahavati, for your kind words. :) They mean a lot, and the feelings are mutual. Also, congratulations for winning Poem of the Month! I'm your runner-up, and I feel so honored. Thank you again for the nomination. ;)


tpd

First, I have to applaud you for writing this, for sharing the realness that is so misunderstood by those untouched by its effects. Mental illnesses are just that; illnesses. Just because we cannot see, or touch, or recognize them, does not mean they are not there or that they are untreatable.
Youth is never wasted, nor is life, quite the opposite, in fact. The struggle is greater for some and shame on the rest of us for chastising them. Unfortunately, sometimes those closest to us do us more harm than they realize.
I have seen the effects first hand and can only hope that you may surround yourself with those that can support you without judgment.
This one touched me deeply, TPD, I leave you hugs and best wishes...

Thank you so much, Kasai.

It has been a draining year for everyone and I just couldn't take it anymore. *sigh* There have been news of suicides too close to home the past months that it just hurts a lot more when the people you count on to understand out right dismiss you. Well, it could have been me that died, but they push and push, and I was just too close to the edge.

Right now, I don't have that kind of people with me right now, but for now, I'll settle for this cautiously hopeful peace after another storm. Another battle won. :)

Thank you, and I send hugs and love to you.


tpd

tremendous writing & comments. it takes a lot more guts & intelligence to write this instead of blades...

Before, I might have written about blades. Now I see how galmorizing and romanticising self-harm and mental illness is more harmful, especially with people my age. That's stupid. Bipolar is not "cool." Wrist scars and blood are not "tragically beautiful." It's a medical condition, not a trend or a punch-line of insensitive jokes.

And well, I may be wounded, but what do you expect from Jeanne d'Arc? Thank you, John, for making me see that. Vive le poésie! :)


tpd

I know how it feels cuz I'm a suicidal kid

I send you love, then, Ghost13st. I wish you the best and the help and support you need. It can get better... :)  

Welcome to DU...
 
 
 
Hugs,  
 
tpd

loved reading every part of this write

Thank you, underground_pyro. I'm glad you enjoyed it. :)  

tpd