deepundergroundpoetry.com
ANGEL
High on her upon mattress low
Coke bottles foil and straws
I didn't do it didn't do it didn't
Was the scrawling on the walls
The catch of stale blue cheese
The moult morn snort and sloth
The rot of losing self self loathe
Both ravished and repellant both
My angel you called out to me
As if I was a god
Fair angel you called out to me
As if I was the lord
Ribbons flame blue yellow sage
Claw foul name came foully rage
Your light your tears held tight to me
As you called the devils out
As seven devils roared out of me
As I struggled in the pit of salt
You whose love laid love on me
Prayed Lord and cried the devils out
Coke bottles foil and straws
I didn't do it didn't do it didn't
Was the scrawling on the walls
The catch of stale blue cheese
The moult morn snort and sloth
The rot of losing self self loathe
Both ravished and repellant both
My angel you called out to me
As if I was a god
Fair angel you called out to me
As if I was the lord
Ribbons flame blue yellow sage
Claw foul name came foully rage
Your light your tears held tight to me
As you called the devils out
As seven devils roared out of me
As I struggled in the pit of salt
You whose love laid love on me
Prayed Lord and cried the devils out
Published 26th Nov 2016
| Edited 27th Nov 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
likes 14
reading list entries 1
comments 17
reads 795
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
26th Nov 2016 4:32am
Whoa Whale.......such a deep write.......had to take several deep breaths......read it again and still can't find the words to ink my emotions.......so I will just leave my heart print upon your page.......purple luv & hugs xo :)
26th Nov 2016 8:29am
Anonymous
- Edited 27th Dec 2019 12:45pm
26th Nov 2016 8:15am
<< post removed >>
26th Nov 2016 8:30am
Anonymous
26th Nov 2016 8:16am
So very moving. 💓
Such a intense passionate piece.
Brilliant.
Such a intense passionate piece.
Brilliant.
26th Nov 2016 8:31am
26th Nov 2016 3:16pm
27th Nov 2016 1:18pm
26th Nov 2016 4:08pm
27th Nov 2016 1:19pm
27th Nov 2016 3:36pm
27th Nov 2016 4:18pm
Well, I read this..and it reminded me of when
I was an angel :D
no seriously, an angel I was but then weird
things happen'd.. .
I totally love, love and love this, mmhmmgood :),
on knees and speechless my whale!
I was an angel :D
no seriously, an angel I was but then weird
things happen'd.. .
I totally love, love and love this, mmhmmgood :),
on knees and speechless my whale!
The way you mess around with sense and syntax is jarring at first, but it all comes together in the final verse, which is the best of the piece, a mesmeric and moving little quatrain which exemplifies the theme of love and redemption perfectly. The structure of the poem as a whole does that, in how it begins in surreal and nonsensical verse, then slowly develops into something both sensical and gripping. Thank you for the read!
(Grammar quibble: because the context is possessive, "who's" should be "whose" in the penultimate line. "Who's" is an abbreviation of "who is".)
(Grammar quibble: because the context is possessive, "who's" should be "whose" in the penultimate line. "Who's" is an abbreviation of "who is".)
Thanks Jack for the careful read - this was for Crim's downside of drugs competition. But I'm very glad that you experienced the themes of love and redemption- very much enjoying your work as well
Apologies for the over possessiveness now amended
Apologies for the over possessiveness now amended
28th Nov 2016 11:24pm
29th Nov 2016 6:30am
