3 Years

I have managed to do
the most difficult and most personal thing
i have ever done in my life so far...

i went to a college-age,
pre-Thanksgiving get together
and went on stage
in front of about 80 people.

It was just me up there
all on my own
with all those wondering eyes
gazing up at me...

and I told my story;
to explain
what I am thankful for

~~~~~

with hands and voice
trembling,
I stood.

In the past 3 years
I was addicted
to Norco's and heroin
and was
at one point
in an abusive
and manipulative
friendship.

All I wanted to do was save them...

as routine
every other night
for a year and almost a half
He would close his hand
fingers curled into the palm
until his knuckles were white

and he would slam
the back of my skull
with such precision
one would mistake his jab
for that of a professional boxer's

and he would do so
over and over
and over again
until I was too dizzy
to even sit up

he had broken 3 of my fingers
one , he dislocated at the base joint
twice
while it was in the process
of healing.

He once put
the barrel of a gun
between my teeth
and told me to
"Smile pretty"
cuz he was gonna
blast every last
pearly white outta my head
one by one

"smile pretty"
cuz it'll look
like we was just havin' a good time
if anyone ever found my body

~~~

the ONLY reason I got away
is because
I realized
some people
are far from saving

but I KNEW
I could still
save myself

...
so tonight, I told
almost 80 people
that in this last year
I've kicked my addiction
and have found
the boy of my dreams
but I got a damn good man in him
and Hell, he's fucking REAL

and tonight I stood there
and stated
that I am not only thankful
but I am grateful
and I am blessed

to have my
LIFE