Cigarrette

I stare at my soul
and see it decompose
as a lit cigarette
i take a hit
and exhale black smoke
now I’m left with
contaminated lungs
and a
contaminated soul
blacked by memories
that I try to burn away
but I am just left
to crave another
I am alone
and I’m trying to cope
with what took place
these past three
weeks
and the people I was around
are gone
now I’m left with pondering
feelings that I’m not sure of.
Paranoia has me looking
over corners
and under beds
but i know all thats
there are regrets
and I’m not sure
how to move past
so I pack my bags
once again.
Running away
from what I didn’t know
would exist when I made
these plans.
Maybe I’m trying to run
to find myself again
who i’ve been
hasn’t been me
I got caught up
in anger and pressure
and now relationships
are tethered
and my words won’t reach.
Light another cigarette
watch the ashes float past
I’m trying to be kind
to my own self
stamping fragile
on my emotion
and bubble wrapping
my potential
to preserve whats left
like the butts
piling up in the
empty beer can.