Big Ass

 Furtively;
she approached me,
wearing something new
Lying about the price,
it would be pointless
for me to try and argue
A credit card maxed
All value added taxed
She wants to give me a fashion show
I can’t escape, there’s nowhere to go
As outfit follows outfit
It’s time for me to bullshit
The truth is never wise or right
Not worth me giving any fashion insight
Nor questioning colour or hue
Or size and fit, she turns the screw
An enquiry, a smile with a gentle kiss
She says “Does my ass look big in this?”
I want to duck, I want to dive
My mind goes into overdrive
This question I cannot escape
Despite the style, despite the shape
And if I want to avoid the dramatic
I must exercise best diplomatic
To cheer her up, to pacify
I’m really going to have to lie
From denim jeans to sporty shorts
All mini skirts of any sorts
Leather jackets and Lycra pants
Despite the pose, despite the stance
From sporty blazers to cotton slacks
Flowing gowns and waterproof Macs
From, running shorts to tracksuits
Skimpy bikinis and swimsuits
The type of clothes, it matters not
You’ve got the arse that you have got
If I was to be frank, there’s mud to sling
Your ass looks big in everything
And at the risk of being callous and crass
Your ass looks big, cause you’ve got a big ass