grand piano scales

Inspired by "Lonely Piano" by Duende.
JJ

a very sensual and seductive write JJ inspired by such a lovely poetess :)

love Brenda

Thanks Bren, I may add to this. I think it should be longer...
JJ

Co-mingling on the keyboard, nothing is sexier than making musical love. Well maybe making poetic love while writing a poem together. But its a tie and a tie i would love to wrap up in a knot.

Thanks for commenting Heather!
JJ

First of all... waking up with your comment and poem was a big surprise :-)
I adore this piece! Beautiful use of the metaphor and great placement of crescendo!

Love every line, but this is my favorite:
"In scales without chords that complicate our harmony"

Thank you for the comment, more yet for the inspiration!

... what's so strangely beautiful about this ink is, I immediately thought of Duende's poem before ever reading your comment of inspiration. What a lovely complimentary piece to her write. The flow is effortless! :)

"What a lovely complimentary piece to her write" > I agree with you dear Rain:-)

I hate to let an inspiration go without complimenting it with a poem... :)
JJ

I think your capitalisation of every line needs to be addressed first, it's as if each line is its own definitive sentence as opposed to the flow in of thought, I had to read a couple of times to distinguish where your thoughts break,

curled purled toes

For me this bit here is too much sound in the rhyme structure wise. I suggest using one or the other, creating less echo between the two words, and giving toes more emphasis.

I think the image of "piano" works better without the word contrasting, it is solid enough with out the extra descriptive.

I would suggest a break or paragraph change after this line

"To the ends of your dark flowing hair"

Seperating the build up or "foreplay" from the "action" give a lady a little bit of time to savour and soak in the imagery :)

Don't rush it through if you have the reader you have them.

Would you sing for me as I play delightfully


If you drop the word "delightfully" does it detract from the poem?

I don't think it does I think it helps the flow of your piece by dropping it.
---------------------------------

My hands vibrating with your quivering song
In scales without chords that complicate our harmony

In this as well you are a little too verbose,

For me you could easily drop  "with your quivering song"

If a lady is getting dirty she doesnt need to be told her song is quivering she can feel it.
Let her enjoy the moment with out you telling her :)

Let me play you in a duet of two solo artists
Coming together in one collaborative crescendo

Why would you need "two solo artists" here?? A duet implies that the two will be playing together, a simple restructure

Let me play with you
two artists coming together

You now have your narrative subject coming with you.... not somwthing that happens often and something that is.... desired to be sure

If you stop at fades to silence, man that is a far more powerful curtain call than the rest of your ending line, let me feel the sweat in my imagination, the panting breath, the

"Crescendo"

 
"Comment Only if You are Afraid"  
 
Poems zeroing in on absent-mindedness  
Hidden behind a shield of shear invisibility  
Protected from your own picayune opinions  
on how it ought to be if it was all up to you  
 
Insults blended in a mixing bowl with  
raw ingredients tossed in the salad  
Spineless snake spewing venom without a bite  
Spitting on poetry with tasteless subjectivity  
 
Anonymous and perhaps talentless too  
Pulling me down to your point of view  
Reaching down to your level in a bottomless pit  
Yet I can admit when I've been tricked to a trip  
 
Revenge is a treat when served extra sweet  
But I share the blame, falling in my own ditch of defeat  
Time to climb back up to the top of the heap  
Leaving behind the pabulum of an pseudonymous creep  
 
 
JJ

Telling a critiquer to "go f" themselves is not appropriate and will not be tolerated in the future (despite deleting your comment). It's a very fair critique and will not be removed. Your reaction, however, is highly inappropriate.

You and I do not get along, so I will not get into a discussion with you on any matter ever again. If I could block you I would have done so the last time.

Your opinion of me is irrelevant to the issue. I'm uncertain why you didn't block me. I wasn't made a moderator until a long time after our initial altercation so you had plenty of time. You encouraged honest critique. I suggest you NOT encourage it in the future if you cannot handle it. And further remind you that telling someone who has honored your request for honesty and time to "go f" themselves will warrant a time ban. Period.

Your vocalization of such stirring verse brings even deeper passion to this beautiful poem JJ!

Thank you Heather!
JJ

Beautiful... sensual... to be played like an instrument... by skilled fingers...

Thank you Lil! I feel this poem in my heart. I think I may repost it because of the previous critique that seemed like it was from someone who hated me and just wanted to say something bad about every aspect of the poem. And rereading it just showed me why I keep seeing brand mew vomments by anomymous commenter. It is a ploy by admins who don't want anyone to know who they are. But now I know. After refreshing my memory of how many truly outstanding poets on the site loved it and praised it, I almost think the critique came from someone I know. I am of the mind it was a jealous rant by a lesser poet. I don't think I have ever seen another critique written like that on anyone else's poem. It had to be aimed directly at me. I do think I will repost it and put something else on this page so as not to lose the wonderful comments that others left.
JJ

If you would like... I will bump the poem...