Better or bust (probably bust)

I don't know why I do this
to torment myself?
I cant write for shit, my playing is hell
I cant hold a pencil without the break acting up
and every time I paint it's not fucking good enough
I try to create but what I do is destroy
every hope of my past self
dreaming little boy
nothing rhymes right
my grammar is shit
I guess this is what I get for dropping out early to work for my shit
shakespeare would hate me for what I do to his art
lovecraft would sue me and poe would lose heart
how can I expect to write anything "right"
if I don't know whats inside me
that endless fight
from each passing moment shit flows through my head
beautiful imagery, breathtaking wordplay
BUT THE SECOND I WRITE THE SHIT MY BRAIN PLAYS DEAD
I say I'm a writer but have nothing to show
I study so many things you'd think my abilities would grow
but no
Fuck no.