I Wasn’t Dreaming

 I awoke to the gentle sounds
Of whales singing Italian opera
Accompanied by an orchestra of squid
Seahorses sang choral backup
I relaxed back in my bed
Feeling subdued and intoxicated
Two nurse sharks came by my bedside
“Mr Macleod,” they said, “It’s time.”
They wheeled me down coral corridors
Whispering to me “It will be ok.”
All of a sudden a door appeared
I was swiftly wheeled through it
It was so brightly lit, it was almost annoying
But again I began to relax
A green octopus wearing a mask
Greeted his lobster staff and then me
A shrimp delivered a small injection
And I was for once pain free
But still very much aware of things
A sea sponge mopped my brow
And told me to relax, “it will not be long”
“It’s now time to get started.”
Said the Octopus to his sturgeon assistant
A squid scooshed my leg with iodine
A small shoal of smiling piranha fish
Gnawed their way round my kneecap
Exposing clean white bone
Which the octopus sawed his way through
The leg floated free thrown by the sturgeon
A school of hammerheads in a frenzy
Made short work of the remains of the leg
With great skill my octopus surgeon
Assisted by lobsters with an eye for needlework
Closed up the wound, forming;
The Perfect Stump
All the nursing staff looked at me and smiled
Even the seahorses, I smiled back
The octopus tipped his hat and bid me farewell
I tipped the octopus for a job well done
This was not something I dreamt
Last night;
It actually happened