deepundergroundpoetry.com
The World
he awoke from the Dream where the world was His
the nightmarish illusion that he was to blame
too much to bear, too sickening to loose
his conflicting thoughts distracted him
from the fact that his hands
were deeply devoted
deeply burned
there had been colonies again
the World was nothing more than a vortex
or an antecedant to the pronoun Him
the moon shone onto the sun
which had formed without the aid of fusion
or fission for the World
is not allowed to create itself
the dream had elapsed several millenia
eight minutes
it was the longest he had slept in a while
the nightmarish illusion that he was to blame
too much to bear, too sickening to loose
his conflicting thoughts distracted him
from the fact that his hands
were deeply devoted
deeply burned
there had been colonies again
the World was nothing more than a vortex
or an antecedant to the pronoun Him
the moon shone onto the sun
which had formed without the aid of fusion
or fission for the World
is not allowed to create itself
the dream had elapsed several millenia
eight minutes
it was the longest he had slept in a while
Published 24th Jul 2011
| Edited 30th Sep 2011
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likes 3
reading list entries 1
comments 3
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
24th Jul 2011 4:14am
Every line hear screams. 'the moon shone onto the sun which had formed without the aid of fusion'
That is laying it down right there. Great piece.
That is laying it down right there. Great piece.
24th Jul 2011 5:08am
I'm so glad you enjoyed it :)
It sounds like you really got what I wanted people to get out of it too which is really good
It sounds like you really got what I wanted people to get out of it too which is really good
6th Jan 2012 3:17pm
A lot of the time when I read your work, I find it hard to distinguish which pieces you feel serious about and which are intended to be mocking or sarcastic, which is why more than often I tend to read and not comment. But this is good. I like everything about it from the structure to the vocabulary to the choice of narration and the way you strung it all together. Right now is about the time I'd say something critical if I could see anything worth bringing up but there's nothing. Oh, and the capitalisation of the 'he'/'his' pronouns is interesting, like it's assessing importance? But it isn't consistent? But maybe that's intentional. It's a good piece all the same. Well done. :)
