CoWorker

 I find the best course of action now
is to be passively indirect
like a shady coworker
who avoids the petty guilt of Donut day
by taking two frosted ones
and sneaking back to his cubicle

there was a time
at least
when sheepish pride didn't keep me at bay
from interfering
and leering
and engineering
ways to score the courage points
by being blunt

now these days hang low
and bestow
a sense of careless disposition
I require
no volition
or reasons to come in early

sometimes I just roll around in bed
and stare

yesterday we celebrated Tom
with a bouquet of flowers from his Mom
and everyone clapped
for being 45
except me
I was jaded beyond recognition
I stewed in the corner
and played Bejeweled

I find the best course of action now
is to fall away
from far away
and stay in the foreground
like a blurry unwanted doppelganger
capable of small talk

I find my most proud days
are those
which I never disclose

at the office
i blend in
day
after day
and find no other way
to cope
with sheepish indignation
for a better job

I'll slave away
and roll in bed
on my day off
to count the ceiling
and say nothing