deepundergroundpoetry.com
Prayer for the Broken-Hearted
Dear God I have struggled
Through this path all muddled
With sin and vice I have wrestled
Dark thoughts in my head nestled
Help me Lord with temptation
Lest I lead astray your Nation
I have coveted, filled with envy
Your aid and strength I pray send me
A sign of hope, that I will survive
Your Love the bread that keeps me alive
Manna from Heaven is my Lord
But this void hurts as a sword
As is written, as is said
Man cannot live on only bread
Send me the Love that heals my soul
As I walk life’s hot coals
For my sins I shall atone
But no longer can I do it alone
Through this path all muddled
With sin and vice I have wrestled
Dark thoughts in my head nestled
Help me Lord with temptation
Lest I lead astray your Nation
I have coveted, filled with envy
Your aid and strength I pray send me
A sign of hope, that I will survive
Your Love the bread that keeps me alive
Manna from Heaven is my Lord
But this void hurts as a sword
As is written, as is said
Man cannot live on only bread
Send me the Love that heals my soul
As I walk life’s hot coals
For my sins I shall atone
But no longer can I do it alone
Published 28th Jul 2016
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comments 7
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
First, welcome, there is nothing but love here in this moment...
I enjoyed your poem very much, however, I have some critiques. These are to help not hurt you, so don't feel picked on. it's the only thing that will ever improve your writing short of college...
The first thing you should understand about writing poetry is although it often rhymes, it doesn't have to at all and it's never the focus. Do not try to rhyme and do not try to not rhyme, just write and they will find you when it's time. Then, let your words reflect your acknowledgement of being honest with yourself. Be brave and humbled at the same time..
Don't forget to share your love every day as much as you can. There is no effort too small to change the world in some way when you share love... -the universe
Keep writing,
-ed
I enjoyed your poem very much, however, I have some critiques. These are to help not hurt you, so don't feel picked on. it's the only thing that will ever improve your writing short of college...
The first thing you should understand about writing poetry is although it often rhymes, it doesn't have to at all and it's never the focus. Do not try to rhyme and do not try to not rhyme, just write and they will find you when it's time. Then, let your words reflect your acknowledgement of being honest with yourself. Be brave and humbled at the same time..
Don't forget to share your love every day as much as you can. There is no effort too small to change the world in some way when you share love... -the universe
Keep writing,
-ed
28th Jul 2016 3:15pm
Thank you for your critique - I admit that this is a bit of a rough draft of sorts. If it helps, I really didn't try to force these rhymes... well, some are a bit more forced than others.
My scansion is also off in a few lines.
Much love.
My scansion is also off in a few lines.
Much love.
28th Jul 2016 10:02pm
29th Jul 2016 6:36am
28th Jul 2016 9:08am
-keep the faith
If you believe in any form of God and find yourself angry, upset, or depressed about how awful the world can be remember this:
There is no other relationship which depends on one another more than Good and Evil, so just smile, remember to love, and let it reaffirm your faith instead of finding the negative...
I personally do not believe in any particular God, I'm just passing the message on...
-ed
If you believe in any form of God and find yourself angry, upset, or depressed about how awful the world can be remember this:
There is no other relationship which depends on one another more than Good and Evil, so just smile, remember to love, and let it reaffirm your faith instead of finding the negative...
I personally do not believe in any particular God, I'm just passing the message on...
-ed
28th Jul 2016 1:55pm
Keeping sanity is never easy
Holding on to hope is such mighty
Take a heart.
You're still there.
Hugz and welcome here.
Oxy
Holding on to hope is such mighty
Take a heart.
You're still there.
Hugz and welcome here.
Oxy
Anonymous
28th Jul 2016 8:16pm
I can feel your heart and emotion in this piece. Your soul is laying bare, and it is beautiful.
The internal struggle of morals and desires is a real one.
Continue writing. It is a great form of release. An outlet.
This is a beautiful, heartfelt piece.
The internal struggle of morals and desires is a real one.
Continue writing. It is a great form of release. An outlet.
This is a beautiful, heartfelt piece.
