deepundergroundpoetry.com
If I Was Never Born
If I was never born,
would the world be better off?
If I was never born,
would my parents be happier?
If I was never born,
who would have missed me?
If I was never born,
would my father still drink?
If I was never born,
would my mother be abused?
If I was never born,
would the world have acknowledged my absence?
Or would no one care?[/font]
would the world be better off?
If I was never born,
would my parents be happier?
If I was never born,
who would have missed me?
If I was never born,
would my father still drink?
If I was never born,
would my mother be abused?
If I was never born,
would the world have acknowledged my absence?
Or would no one care?[/font]
Published 20th Jul 2011
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
20th Jul 2011 2:25am
...this idea has been done on here many many times, and sometimes very well. This work carries no weight, because there are too many cliches'
"would my father still drink"
"world be better off"
These are stock lines that appear everywhere. You need to shift a gear and work a little harder for the reader to get interested. Go back through the poems on here and look at the ones that get a lot of attention. You'll see that they are generally works that present even an old idea in a new way, or use a universal honesty to get an emotion from the reader.
This is pretty flat.
"would my father still drink"
"world be better off"
These are stock lines that appear everywhere. You need to shift a gear and work a little harder for the reader to get interested. Go back through the poems on here and look at the ones that get a lot of attention. You'll see that they are generally works that present even an old idea in a new way, or use a universal honesty to get an emotion from the reader.
This is pretty flat.
20th Jul 2011 6:11am
Well, I've read this and don't agree to this though respect your own, honest opinion. I like these cliches and maybe I'm just old fashioned but I like the way this poem gets to the point-not covered up by fancy words and deep words, almost as of a child would say it.
