Hey you...

Hey you. It's been a minute. I would have wrote you sooner, but I've just been busy. You know me, always working, even if I don't have a job. It's taken me a while to get it together, and I've almost got the kids all covered with health,  school, dental... all the things that you always handled. I used to think you didn't trust me with these things, but today, after the weeks of phone calls and paperwork and still trying to spend time with them, I see that you did it because it was hard, and you didn't want me to have to stress out. And because you loved these kids! I am growing strong, I realized that after sealing the last envelope and hanging up from the last conversation for the kids dentist appointments. And I cried. I haven't cried much since you've been gone. Not out of spite or hate, but I didn't want the kids to see me hurting. They see it anyway I suppose, Geneve, you would be so proud of how smart and strong they are already and are still becoming. I stopped working Pancheros finally after you passed, you always said I was too good for that place. For a minute there I was just so mad, and when the boys came back home from texas, I made myself believe that you were still down there, just going on about your life without us. I don't know what people think I felt or what I went through, honestly I don't care. I took care of my family best I could, even if it meant that I stayed up here and worked instead of going to say good bye to one of my best friends ever. Don't get me wrong, you were a dick, lol. But so was I. And I never told you sorry for being too young and full of myself to tell you the good things I saw in you. We made a pact once, remember? We said if one of us should die, that we would come back as a ghost or in a dream and let the other know what was on the other side. I didn't think we would test that so soon. You never came back to tell me, and that makes me so sad. I hope you made it to shangri-la, and that you are just too busy with the hapiness that I couldn't show you in life, because if not, that means there is nothing on the other side. I miss you friend, our kids miss you. And I know no matter how hard I work or try to get my mind right for them, I can never replace you. I forgave you long ago for the things we did as kids, spiteful as I may have seemed. I don't think i will ever forgive myself. But fuck that sappy stuff, we all love you forever. Especially Eric, I have so much respect for that man, and I wish I could take the hurt from him, if only because the time you guys spent together was too short. I don't know that this will reach you. I don't know that it matters. All I know is that should you call out from that veil of eternal night with a "hark, who goes there" you can rest assured that it is I, King of the pigs! I love you forever old friend. 'Till the well runs dry, 'Till the cows come home...