you punched a phone box and I thought it was cute

1.  You gaslight the way  
to my transient sanity  
I was broken before we got here
I’ll be more broken by the time I leave  
 
I am the screaming of ghosts  
and blood in veins waiting to burst
 
I am silence on your lips  
angry minutes deflate  
into calmer hours
that turn into defeated days  
that almost have me begging your
eyes to rest upon me  
and tell me I’m real  
 
If all you do is look through me  
do I even exist at all?
 
2. Your neuroses are not my fault  
but I’ll take them like every bruise  
and backhanded word  
 
I’m no one if you don’t love me  
 
Would I be crazy if I said  
I miss the way aloneness feels?  
 
Because I can’t remember how I felt  
before you pushed me down  
made me crave the light in your eyes
finding romance in every sorry  
until yesterday’s flowers  
wilted to ash and exhaled air  
as my skull is smashed against the wall  
and all that’s left is your screaming  
 
3. I drive three hours to escape you  
you beg me for your existence  
but I can’t give you what you want  
 
There is power in my silence
and you maxed out my voice mail  
trying to find the best way to scare me  
back into your arms  
because you’re nothing without me  
(to push around)
 
© Indie Adams 2016