deepundergroundpoetry.com
down and out.. what a mess
i feel sick, just like crap
my body is weak and my heart in a trap
its hard to think straight
cant even concertrate
dont know whats more important now
oh my this life i do hate
i feel as though i have lost me
lost and forgotten how i used to be
my new illusion isnt what its meant to be
somehting needs to change
somethings gotta set me free
i cant go on feeling like this its killing me
ive given my all, i put in my heart n soul
yet i still feel like ive given nothing at all
trapped with no air, i can not breathe
and im lost trying to find it
why, why me?
they say life is a blessing and to appricate eachday
im living mine so rapidly as the time just flys away
where can i go , who will i find
i need a place where i can go n shine
the cold is lingering .. i even feel it now...
when wil the time come in this life of mine
i need help i need some good signs
ppl look at me n think wow her life must be great
as im driving past i think to myself..
whats is left of this world to take???
my body is weak and my heart in a trap
its hard to think straight
cant even concertrate
dont know whats more important now
oh my this life i do hate
i feel as though i have lost me
lost and forgotten how i used to be
my new illusion isnt what its meant to be
somehting needs to change
somethings gotta set me free
i cant go on feeling like this its killing me
ive given my all, i put in my heart n soul
yet i still feel like ive given nothing at all
trapped with no air, i can not breathe
and im lost trying to find it
why, why me?
they say life is a blessing and to appricate eachday
im living mine so rapidly as the time just flys away
where can i go , who will i find
i need a place where i can go n shine
the cold is lingering .. i even feel it now...
when wil the time come in this life of mine
i need help i need some good signs
ppl look at me n think wow her life must be great
as im driving past i think to myself..
whats is left of this world to take???
Published 18th Jul 2011
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The author encourages honest critique.
18th Jul 2011 11:14pm
Punctuate the damn thing, and ditch the italics, and stop using text-speak. The reader loses interest straight away as you haven't cared about them enough to make it readable. Give us the why, or some experience to relate to, so we can get interested...
19th Jul 2011 7:59am
i thought it was good for your first time but plzz find the entter button and space it out its too bulky and clinged together and ditch the bold i got distracted i love d the rhyme scheme just keep trying
20th Jul 2011 5:36pm
lol thanks for commenting.
i just broke up with my bf.. after 5yrs
it hurts..
i just broke up with my bf.. after 5yrs
it hurts..
7th Aug 2011 8:40am
