A little about me; maybe a lot more than expected

 
Clearly people lack the capacity
for their own stupidity,  not me,
I have put up with people hating me,
hurting me, hitting and being mean to me,  
cheating on me and lying to me
and breaking any trust that I had,

At home and on the internet,
I have put up with children
wrapped in adult bodies telling me who I am,  
telling me of my own existence.

You damn right I get mad;
they're so smart and I'm so stupid

I have struggled my whole life to get away from it
with some goodness for myself still in hand

I have survived and whirled
through all of that destruction
since I was the age of two,   without dying,
yet losing my breath over and over again,

the mistakes get smaller and smaller,  
but sometimes I still treat them
as if I’m going to beat myself to death again,
or afraid that somebody else will,  

What the hell is there to apologize for anymore?  
I stood up and I left; O the memory of that awakening event.
I left when I was broke, homeless, and walking;  
this life that I have lived is made from action.      

Its been about five years now since I went crazy;
I can laugh about it; I could always laugh at myself
and that is the greatest gift.

I always wanted to do more than survive,
It is a wonderful life and it fills me with existence
because the goodness in my heart  I never doubted.      

Change is hard when you have
already taught people how they can treat you;
by your silence, or by screams of torment and confusion.

All I ever had was my mind to work with,  
and my heart,  to try and ease the pain
inside of it for the innocent child,
and they can never take that,  

I have tasted the sunshine
just as I’ve felt
the night storm through me,  

but the goodness of the water
and the grace
of the light have made my memory,

and the laughter in my heart
of a child
held back in a bubble of time,  
her joy, and her freedom to grow strong,
she runs on and on in my mind.