Think back...

I think back to an earlier phase
when I had a lot to lose

I look back on those moments
and laugh madly
because I was so very foolish
to believe in a fool's mistakes

I live for that moment now.

it's all happenstance
and
it all happens for a reason
and
it is
all happening for some reason
all the time

I sink back to an earlier era
where I had a certain gusto

(with plenty of friendly ghosts
and worries
to keep me company)

i'd wake up each and every day
throw on some old running shoes
and walk it off

there were certain times
(within other times)
where i'd wake up in a fright
feeling underwhelmed

and

almost docile

and

almost royal
like a dignified house cat

I'd have this bored
sour look
with
this aching disposition
and this horrid sense of complacency

I think back
and mock myself righteously

The humility sparks me.

But reaching back some more
I'd surely fall asleep

I would investigate a dream realm

only to find these vague memories
these memories with no cause
no sense of place
no intrinsic value

these memories with nothing to lose

no regret
no moral discontent
no linear fashion

just those blissfully ignorant memories
mocking me still

I'd think back to an earlier me
and laugh