Pulled under

The dream again
Another night I've lost  
begging
caught in the rip tide of his hands on me
grinding my body against a memory  
He was gentle then
 young and weak
I wonder now
 if he had the chance
 how hard he'd own what's left of me  
He seems like the type you find
 who forgets himself while they punish you
Him as a Dom is a forbidden thought  
It reminds me my knees are weak  
for what his mind could do
I push it away everytime it bubbles up
Choking hard on wanting anything
10 years later and here I am
 caught in the grip of a stranger
 I'm still not free
 I'm wading in  
Too dark to see his mask, the anger
He pulls me under every time
Rushing into me
Filling up my mouth
He's leveraging my doubt
I am just a mirror to him
he never looks to see
The only one who ever made it in that's how I know he hasn't let me free
I don't swim against the current
I gladly let it win
Gulping greedily on the crashing waves  
of what he'd do if I gave in
I am his masterpiece but he has no idea
Built by the hands that shaped my apathy  
for all the rest who'll never know  
  I only surrender to this fantasy
He'll never know the truth of me
His place under my skin
I go to bed with a silent wish
 That tonight I'll drown in him