I'm not okay

I'm not okay,
I try to fake it, try to lie,
But I'm just waiting for the end of the day,
When nobody is watching and I can finally cry,

The pill I'm on helps me hide,
All they see is the happy disguise,
I do my best to keep it all inside,
And make sure nobody sees the pain behind my eyes,

I'm still broken, possibly beyond repair,
There's only one person who has the power to fix me,
But forcing them into that life again just wouldn't be fair,
She deserves better than that, even an idiot like me can see,

I don't know what else to do but sit here alone,
And think of all the sins for which I'll never attone