Chronophobic

 i.
time rolls on and I am paralyzed
indecision is two slabs of stone on top of my chest
breaking my sternum and pressing the air out of my lungs

ii.
i hold my eyes open
index fingers paired with shortened thumbs
pulling lids taunt
because if you blink you’ll miss it
and I cannot afford to miss anything

iii.
my deathbed calls out to me
regrets I haven’t even felt yet are sewn into its seams
The tick of a clock matches the pounding in my ears

iv.
the world is your oyster but I am
clamped tightly shut
buried in the sand
never looking up
never making contact
there are no pearls inside of me

v.
i feel time passing by
like wheat chaff sifting through my clasped fingers
carried away in the soft breeze
i beg the wind to take me with it

vi.
help me
throw me a life preserver
paddle me back to shore
my arms ache from keeping me afloat
i am drowning in the waves of seconds and minutes
of seasons changed before my eyes
trees go from buds to leaves to skeletons
my head goes under

vii.
the world will keep on rotating
i go opposite earth
but no force is enough to fling me off the surface and
hurl me towards the sun

vii.
every moment seems both milliseconds before and centuries ago
my memory is limitless yet stunted

ix.
A year goes by and those with less time have used more of it
doing more
i self flagellate over days spent
not grinding my bones to dust
my limbs remain solid but my walls are bare  

x.
28 straight lines carve out my fate