deepundergroundpoetry.com
Methadone Mayhem
How many times can I fall out
Before I truly am shot out
How much can the brain really take
Impacting the decisions that I make
How many times sick though booking at ACJ
Just to stay clean far less then one fucking day
Rehab after Rehab back once again
I just want my fucking pain to end
I want to go lift weights, but can't move to pee
My stomach is doing back flips, that's enough work out for me
Physical pain will subside, then comes the sickness in my head
When is that? Methadone detox will make the strongest men wish they were dead
Detox is harder each time and I'm not getting younger
The opiates I crave are a deep embedded hunger
My kids still love me, they look up to their dad
They don't see me as a dope fiend scumbag
Maybe that's wishful thinking, my kids aren't dumb
Maybe that realization, my brain has gone numb
So many years, so many drugs; am I really shot out
Is this what the rest of my life is gonna be about
No appetite, no sleep; day by day I waste away
Well it's better to burn out then fade away
As said by Neil Young and possibly Kurt
Cobain
If I died today it would all be in vain
If I died today it would all be in my veins
Seeing my girls go this route is my biggest fear
I WILL set an example, it's what fucking brought me here
All I want is to be free of my methadone crutch
I never wanted anything so bad, never feared anything so much
Before I truly am shot out
How much can the brain really take
Impacting the decisions that I make
How many times sick though booking at ACJ
Just to stay clean far less then one fucking day
Rehab after Rehab back once again
I just want my fucking pain to end
I want to go lift weights, but can't move to pee
My stomach is doing back flips, that's enough work out for me
Physical pain will subside, then comes the sickness in my head
When is that? Methadone detox will make the strongest men wish they were dead
Detox is harder each time and I'm not getting younger
The opiates I crave are a deep embedded hunger
My kids still love me, they look up to their dad
They don't see me as a dope fiend scumbag
Maybe that's wishful thinking, my kids aren't dumb
Maybe that realization, my brain has gone numb
So many years, so many drugs; am I really shot out
Is this what the rest of my life is gonna be about
No appetite, no sleep; day by day I waste away
Well it's better to burn out then fade away
As said by Neil Young and possibly Kurt
Cobain
If I died today it would all be in vain
If I died today it would all be in my veins
Seeing my girls go this route is my biggest fear
I WILL set an example, it's what fucking brought me here
All I want is to be free of my methadone crutch
I never wanted anything so bad, never feared anything so much
Published 23rd Apr 2016
| Edited 29th Apr 2016
All writing remains the property of the author. Don't use it for any purpose without their permission.
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wow this poem hit where it hurts I was on Methadone maintenance for thirteen years and kicked it cold in the psych ward..
feeling your fear and pain..
I don't envy the spot you're in I don't have any great wisdom to give it's a great demon to be faced..
sending love and my thoughts your way..
with respect Crimsin
feeling your fear and pain..
I don't envy the spot you're in I don't have any great wisdom to give it's a great demon to be faced..
sending love and my thoughts your way..
with respect Crimsin
23rd Apr 2016 6:45pm
Thanks crimson
13 years on methadone ??? That's Insane I walked off 80mg cold turkey but I was only on it 2 years. I have a 15+ year opiate addiction but no other withdrawl comes close to the misery of methadone. I have so much respect for you. the way I feel after only 2 years, I can't Imagine what you went through. 37 days and I'm still not sleeping, no energy or appetite yet. Patience has never been my strong suit. Yesrs of Instant gratification destroyed that
13 years on methadone ??? That's Insane I walked off 80mg cold turkey but I was only on it 2 years. I have a 15+ year opiate addiction but no other withdrawl comes close to the misery of methadone. I have so much respect for you. the way I feel after only 2 years, I can't Imagine what you went through. 37 days and I'm still not sleeping, no energy or appetite yet. Patience has never been my strong suit. Yesrs of Instant gratification destroyed that
I can't tell you how much your poem moved me this morning.. I want for you to get better and I well understand the great amount of time it takes to come off methadone.. it's been five years now for me and I finally stopped going to that damn place in my nightmares.. I wish it were an easier road but you're right it's like times a hundred coming off this drug compared to heroin.. please stay strong.. writing helps I wrote endless poems about methadone when I was coming off of it and other just feeling writes.. get it down in ink..
love Crimsin
love Crimsin
23rd Apr 2016 7:07pm
I was on 150mg when I came off it's a rough road but it's doable ..
will be keeping you in my thoughts..
love Crimsin
will be keeping you in my thoughts..
love Crimsin
Hullo, and welcome.
decent enough poem, brought back memories.
37 days is unusual but not unheard of. you've gone through the worst of it at this stage, so well done and fair play for that
it's a tough gig, I've been there and bought the t shirt
dunno what your day consists of, you need to push yourself. up in the morning, shower. go for a walk (avoid ol' haunts where temtatipn may longer) keep your head busy, if you've a games console happy days, if not find something to keep your head occupied
I joined this site five years ago after doing the Turkey with benzos and sleepers. I had done turkey with the methadone (80mls) and it was hard as fugh. nowhere near as hard as the pills. anyhow, sleepless nights wernt a problem here. ...nobody fuckin' sleeps and we're a friendly bunch
man, you've an oppertunity here. harden up and face it with a bit of conviction. for you, for your girls and for your future. best o luck
regards
Eamonn
decent enough poem, brought back memories.
37 days is unusual but not unheard of. you've gone through the worst of it at this stage, so well done and fair play for that
it's a tough gig, I've been there and bought the t shirt
dunno what your day consists of, you need to push yourself. up in the morning, shower. go for a walk (avoid ol' haunts where temtatipn may longer) keep your head busy, if you've a games console happy days, if not find something to keep your head occupied
I joined this site five years ago after doing the Turkey with benzos and sleepers. I had done turkey with the methadone (80mls) and it was hard as fugh. nowhere near as hard as the pills. anyhow, sleepless nights wernt a problem here. ...nobody fuckin' sleeps and we're a friendly bunch
man, you've an oppertunity here. harden up and face it with a bit of conviction. for you, for your girls and for your future. best o luck
regards
Eamonn
24th Apr 2016 10:19pm
@ crimson
"Get it down in ink"...exactly ! Tattoos and poetry is where my time and money has been going these past few weeks. I'm going to check out your methsdone poems im intrested in what your mind was like back then. Mine is all over the place.
@ Eamonn
Thanks man. I try to stay busy, take lots of walks that's for sure. As for old haunts, that's tough I don't have a car so I can't move far from where my ex wife lives so I can be close to my daughters. it's not far where I use to cop dope. I avoid talking to old friends and have been going to meetings to find some better ones. everybody i know is either shooting dope, on methadone, or on suboxone. Finding the energy to stay busy and motivated is defiantly the hardest thing. One day at a time I quess....fuck that, one second at a time is more like it
"Get it down in ink"...exactly ! Tattoos and poetry is where my time and money has been going these past few weeks. I'm going to check out your methsdone poems im intrested in what your mind was like back then. Mine is all over the place.
@ Eamonn
Thanks man. I try to stay busy, take lots of walks that's for sure. As for old haunts, that's tough I don't have a car so I can't move far from where my ex wife lives so I can be close to my daughters. it's not far where I use to cop dope. I avoid talking to old friends and have been going to meetings to find some better ones. everybody i know is either shooting dope, on methadone, or on suboxone. Finding the energy to stay busy and motivated is defiantly the hardest thing. One day at a time I quess....fuck that, one second at a time is more like it
24th Apr 2016 10:42pm
dear Dave I hope you are well today..
I have several as do other poets on this topic..
if you click on poems then enter methadone in the advanced search on the top right of page it will bring them up..
here is a link to my first methadone poem..
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/17983-methadone/
just know your not alone..
love Crim
I have several as do other poets on this topic..
if you click on poems then enter methadone in the advanced search on the top right of page it will bring them up..
here is a link to my first methadone poem..
http://deepundergroundpoetry.com/poems/17983-methadone/
just know your not alone..
love Crim
28th Apr 2016 1:23am
been there done that, will def do it again but I certainly wont do it today....tomorrow who the fuck knows...isnt that what they say...Just for today? <3
29th Apr 2016 8:58pm
Lol that's right just for today.... so your on methadone now ? This is my 1st attempt at getting off methadone but I had several attempts at getting off suboxone when I was on that. Finally I just switched to methadone. So obviously that didn't accomplish anything. This time I'm not just kicking methadone. .. im kicking opiates, once and for all
30th Apr 2016 3:43am
One must make peace with their demons in order to let them go. Me and my demons have a love hate relationship. Guess which one loves and which one hates?
