Losing

Just a moment
Just a spoken word
Something simple
Insignificant
But deadly
Sick to my stomach
Sick of myself
Words meant to stay silent
Never thinking before speaking
Things I don't even mean
A rough, rough draft
Should never be seen
But I lack whatever it is
The stuff that keeps escaping words inside
Reasons why I shut people out
Social anxiety
But really,  word anxiety
Write before speaking
Edit before opening up
Maybe one day I'll learn
But I fear how that lesson unfolds
What will I lose?
Who will I lose?
My love?
My babies?
My best friend I have yet to find?