deepundergroundpoetry.com
this job can kill you...
he thanked the doctors
and the nurses for all
their help and said how
now he felt fine and
was promptly discharged
and went out and laid
his head, his messed
head, on a railway line...
Published 4th Mar 2016
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likes 4
reading list entries 1
comments 9
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Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
4th Mar 2016 1:07am
4th Mar 2016 1:14am
4th Mar 2016 5:42am
25yrs 'on the ward' ..... eye been there, eye seen that......a parade of self-dead faces.....g'odd bless!
4th Mar 2016 2:29pm
4th Mar 2016 4:11pm
love the pragmatic tone of this that forces instant acknowledgement - clever as always and well respected! curtsy bow
4th Mar 2016 4:15pm
5th Mar 2016 11:59pm
try being a fuckin patient - I nearly ended up on the wrong side of the tracks :-)
6th Mar 2016 1:21am
16th May 2017 6:38am
This is so spare for such a heavy, emotional theme, and that gives it an unexpected strength.
Because it's so spare, I wonder if "is messed head" is necessary. There is the visual aspect, of physical disarray, which is at odds with how I see the character before that line. Internal disarray is covered, I think by his head on the tracks. Just a little musing. It's quite good as is.
Because it's so spare, I wonder if "is messed head" is necessary. There is the visual aspect, of physical disarray, which is at odds with how I see the character before that line. Internal disarray is covered, I think by his head on the tracks. Just a little musing. It's quite good as is.
