I carry them everywhere

There's not a moment in the day that I don't think about taking my own life
And I don't think people understand the weight of it
When I wake up, the first thought on my mind is wishing I would have died in my slumber
Breakfast time, I think about poisoning myself
Shower, should I slip and hit my head?
Brushing my teeth, if I swallow the brush, will I choke to death?
Drive to school, I wait for someone to crash into me
In class, I hope someone stabs me to death, more common than you'd think in a school
Walking to class, I could jump off the rails onto my head
Lunch, more poison
More class, more time to think about the ways to off myself
Drive home, someone please crash
Home, there's so many possibilities
I want to die
I want to die
I want to die now
But I don't want to... in reality
I want to be okay. I want to think about my future instead of how to end everything now
I want to not think that everything anyone says is about me
I want to be able to not hate myself
I want to understand why I'm like this
I don't want to be depressed and anxious
I don't want to feel like such a burden that the only nice thing to do for everyone else is to just leave
I don't want to do this
I'm so tired
So
so
t i r e d
I just want to belong to myself
and not
my thoughts