Are you freaking kidding me?

Are you freaking kidding me?
This is the end
This is what my life has amount to
This is the end

Now that I am standing, staring, talking to Death in the face
He has told me I am a disgrace
A disgrace to my mother, a woman who was a whore at 16
A disgrace to a father, a one night stand who was a Deacon at 32
A disgrace to your siblings, who looked up to you
A disgrace to your friends, those who cared for you
LeeAnn Jaliza Early you’re a disgrace to society you little whore

But how did it come to this?
Me talking to myself and thinking that everything is cool
Me seeing things
Hating myself
Even cutting myself

I am not ready to die but I thought I was
I am also not ready to live
I am confused
I don’t know what to do
Do I choose the dark or the light path?
Do I wake up from this nightmare?

I don’t know what my fate is?
I don’t know why I am here?
I don’t know should I live?
For God hasn’t made the choice clear

So while I am lying on my death bed
Someone needs to help me and pray
I need love before I die
Because these are my last breaths, heart beats, and tears I am afraid to say