Heavenly Hell

I dwell in this well of heavenly hell. I reach for the light, I cast many spells.  I talk to the stars, I dream and believe. I yearn for mercy, I request relief. I listen, I wait, I hope and pray. I watch the night turn to day. I fear, I overcome, I survive and maintain. I laugh, I cry, I go from crazy to sane.

What it is and what it's not. I admire the idea but hate what's not. I remember more than I seem to forget. I cherish the gifts and hate the regret. I carry the burdens of the devils deeds. I optimistically approach my reasons to be.

I was taught to follow and be one in the flock. I was expected to believe in all thats sought. I was fed the word and taught how to walk. I was told to pray, I was told not to sway. I was promised answers, I was expected to wait.

I was taught to fear and I always questioned why. I was reminded of the death that sacrificed his life. I found no evidence of what I was to believe. I got older, I matured and began to see. I waited with patience, I listened, I searched. I never got an answer, I started to question its worth.

I was loyal to all that I hoped was real. I'd agreed and lived up to my end of the deal. I was seeing the devil and the demons of darkness. But the God that I believed in was absent and heartless. I was obviously lied to, I felt like a fool. I started to denounce my savior, for he was nothing I knew.

I got older, I got wiser, I witnessed fire and became trapped in barbed wire. I walked with the demons and never found reason. I found myself alone and found meaning to treason. I cursed and dis- owned all the beliefs I had. Except the one about the devil and hells wrath.

I realize now that all I believed in was not all a lie. I know for certain angels do cry, I know God was never on my side. I know the devil rules this realm. I know I was never abandoned, I was just nothing God demanded. For God was never here in the first place. Must of left long ago for hes never shown his face.

Maybe just maybe, he waits for us and somewhere he dwells. I wouldn't blame him for I too would escape this heavenly hell. If I only could, if I only had the means. If I find his sorry ass I'm gonna drop him to his knees. Grab him by the throat and revenge is for you, them and me.

Fucking coward.