deepundergroundpoetry.com
This is
This is a curse on the heartbreakers
that left us stranded in the island of
Hope-and-Love, paddling away,
unnoticed, in the dead of night, on
the only boat we sailed to the
mystery-filled lands
This is an apology to the hearts we
besmirched in our self deluded attempt at
missing a similar fate by fading
gradually away like the sun when it
sets beyond the horizon lines
This is a thank-you note to Time, for
the penniless healing it affords, and
the scholarly teachings it imprints--
never once failing us since we began
to exist, and
This is a lamentation for scattered
scars, for dispersed pain, for
heartbroken hearts, for dead or dying
dreams-- we are like souls living on
a battlefield strewn with mines
...
This is a goodnight song of hope to
carry us to tomorrow,
This is ink for our pens
...
This is for me, and
This is for you
that left us stranded in the island of
Hope-and-Love, paddling away,
unnoticed, in the dead of night, on
the only boat we sailed to the
mystery-filled lands
This is an apology to the hearts we
besmirched in our self deluded attempt at
missing a similar fate by fading
gradually away like the sun when it
sets beyond the horizon lines
This is a thank-you note to Time, for
the penniless healing it affords, and
the scholarly teachings it imprints--
never once failing us since we began
to exist, and
This is a lamentation for scattered
scars, for dispersed pain, for
heartbroken hearts, for dead or dying
dreams-- we are like souls living on
a battlefield strewn with mines
...
This is a goodnight song of hope to
carry us to tomorrow,
This is ink for our pens
...
This is for me, and
This is for you
Published 4th Feb 2016
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likes 7
reading list entries 1
comments 11
reads 849
Commenting Preference:
The author encourages honest critique.
Wow.
The wording behind the excellent imagery got all up on me like a warm, wet, blanket.
Nicely done.
Only thing that hit me the wrong way was your choice of using the dreaded "broken heart" metaphor in your 2nd stanza which, I think if given a little more thought on what you "do to other hearts so that yours doesnt meet a similar fate" ...
You'll come up with something much more rich than "a broken heart" because that's the only thing keeping this piece from being one of the most compelling things I've read in a while.
;) good work
The wording behind the excellent imagery got all up on me like a warm, wet, blanket.
Nicely done.
Only thing that hit me the wrong way was your choice of using the dreaded "broken heart" metaphor in your 2nd stanza which, I think if given a little more thought on what you "do to other hearts so that yours doesnt meet a similar fate" ...
You'll come up with something much more rich than "a broken heart" because that's the only thing keeping this piece from being one of the most compelling things I've read in a while.
;) good work
4th Feb 2016 2:17pm
I really would like to perfect this if only for you alone. And I do understand the latent boredom instilled by repetitive clichès you speak about
Two reasons enough to edit this piece. Only problem is clarity. Can please quote me to right direction. (Haha)
Thanks. I'll be patiently waiting.
Two reasons enough to edit this piece. Only problem is clarity. Can please quote me to right direction. (Haha)
Thanks. I'll be patiently waiting.
4th Feb 2016 5:36am
4th Feb 2016 2:18pm
If I was a biased father, and the stanzas my kids, I'll favorite the time stanza too.
Thanks for the wordprint whale. Thanks.
Thanks for the wordprint whale. Thanks.
4th Feb 2016 7:39am
4th Feb 2016 2:19pm
4th Feb 2016 9:50pm
"This is ink for our pens"..... yes, that seems to me the best use of our heartbreak and scars....
I enjoyed this, thanks!
I enjoyed this, thanks!
7th Feb 2016 12:16pm
5th Feb 2016 7:04am
And this is so much to
encompass, it's is
appreciated.. I love
stringing pull as well
like pearl neck-lace.
Lovely and breathtaking,
I feel the reconciliation
here is grande.. .
Adorred
-Howlings
encompass, it's is
appreciated.. I love
stringing pull as well
like pearl neck-lace.
Lovely and breathtaking,
I feel the reconciliation
here is grande.. .
Adorred
-Howlings
7th Feb 2016 12:19pm
Muah *a kiss on your forehead*
Your warm presence is always comforting. I look to it sometimes
Thanks Howling.
Your warm presence is always comforting. I look to it sometimes
Thanks Howling.
9th Feb 2016 9:53am
