A Date With An Insomniac

watching pornhub at 12:02 am, i
beg myself
sleep Victor sleep
there'll be no poetry beneath
your
tired eyes in the morn
nor will you find any in shrunken
dicks
or porn star pussies (not even in Alexis Texas’s)
anals
blow jobs, cum on teeny faces
fucked up fetishisms
goddamned paraphilia
only zombie sadness like this cunt-less
life you live
plastic orgasms, faked with grammy deserving
brilliance
i enter a slight depression, i sleep
for an illusory eternity with an
hard erection; waking up
again at, just 1:13, no wet dreams
dirty mind, boxers still clean.

stray dogs howl in the distance
barking and howling and barking
and howling and howling, howling
for the moon, poetry will write
howling for the dead
superstitious grannies will cry
but my thoughts sing the truth, they are only
barking and howling and barking at madman
Tinker
pissing behind my neighbour’s fence
or shitting all that is wrong with
our society in a gutter by a
homeless drunk man (Pa Amara, Pa Koroma, Bio)
shit governance
shit education system
shit all around, Tinker
shit employment offers
shit politicians
stealing mercilessly, perfuming their
coats with deception
suitcases(shit-cases) filled with corruption
shit youths
shit healthcare
shit communication services
fireforce is shit
Tinker saw a house almost burn down
i was there too
their men always come late
shit all around, Tinker
shit on romanticised stars
shit on streets, dead thieves
shit poetry, shit music
i see stars
dogs stop howling, please!
Tinker!
ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!
1:57 am, shit, i
beg myself
again, sleep Victor sleep.

2:08
a breeze blows solemnly outside
like a saxophone painting a picture of jesus christ
being crucified
one of my teachers died 4 days ago
she crosses my mind
she was a gem
rest in perfect peace Madame Moseray
damn, what is this life?
i’ll never understand
2:12 am.

2:13, 2:14, 2:15, 2:16 am
“mama!” i scream
praying she saves
me from the nightmare that had
awoken me
i can't even recall what demon
had been chasing me this time
sweat lays like a dead raven on my forehead
as fear fingers my heart, i pray to my mother again
“please guide me through the night, and life” she's in
heaven now, and i
pray to her more than i pray to
god- am i wrong to believe in my
mother
more than i believe in a supreme
god?
am i wrong to wish to be a baby
playing on her lap again- i’ve
never seen a baby pray, i
want that holiness again
2:22, i hear a baby cry outside
stabbing through the hard silence, young Nehneh, i heard
17 years old, gave birth to a bouncing baby boy
about a week ago, fuck, only 1 week old and he's already craving boobs at 2:22 am
fuck, only 17 and
she already has a baby, damn
well, this is common lately
and everybody blames it on the Ebola outbreak
i don't get it.

2:25, i sleep for 10 hours!! finally!
finally! fine ally! finalllly! fine aali!
finally!
3:00 am, oh, it was just a
dream.

i get the urge to urinate at 3:07, i
find the energy
to get up from my bed at 3:10, i
am lazy to the core
no motivation
on my way to the toilet, i pass by
the parlour(sitting room) a figure
lays motionless on one chair
sleeping or dead, i can't tell, my
brothers are out of town, my
sisters live with their husbands, i
miss them all, so who the hell is
lying there? everybody else in the
house i am sure sleeps in their
rooms
afraid of the boogie man, ghosts or mosquitoes
so that figure can only be me and
i am having an out of body
experience, shit, or i am dead, i
am afraid of death and this is hell, i
am not afraid of hell, i fear death because of all i
will get to leave behind
i run to the toilet, i don't want to
be the first person
to piss himself in hell, i do what i
had to do and run back to my
room, the figure has
disappeared, hallucinations
Victor, sleepless nights will give you hallucinations.
3:45.

3:59, my mind falls asleep but my
brain stays awake
counting sheep and relationships
i still say sheeps sometimes, i have
been in too many relationships
for my young age, a friend told
me once that a blind man can't
control the holes he falls in, well
Abdul, we are not blind. my last
relationship hit me the hardest
i'll not forget her soon.

4:05 am. i turn on my phone, a
thousand messages, i
ignore them all, i need to beat
that addiction, i put on some
J. Cole music;

“I keep my head high
I got my wings to carry me
I don't know freedom
I want my dreams to rescue me
I keep my faith strong
I ask The Lord to follow me
I've been unfaithful
I don't know why You call on me.”

song plays on, 4:09 I think about
god; is he really out there, does he listen
to me? to rap maybe?

4:11, Cole shouts on my speakers;
“First things first rest in peace Uncle Phil!”

4:12, i think about the dead; do
they cry for the living or do they
forget us too and dance on top of
our roofs.

“the dead will only come back when all
the graveyards in the world smell
more of roses than shit.” i'll  use
that line in a poem one day, i promise myself,  5:00
am, i turn off the music.

5:01, sleep, i beg myself. I close
my eyes
5:01, 5:02, 5:03, 5:05 , still
nothing, 5:08, 5:13, 5:21, 5:34- ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! 5:55
still nothing. 6:01, 6:01, i wish i
had a girlfriend to call, 6:02
6:03, 6:05, 6:08am, *i sleep, dreamless*
sweet sleep, when did we become enemies
please don't leave me again, baby.

7:56 am. my mobile  phone rings, my
father. i yawn. i pick up
“Osman, you ready for the college
interview today at 12:00pm?”
shit! I forgot about that.