Vertigo

Do you know that
feeling
when you’re standing
still
and something starts moving
beside of you.
You get the illusion
that outside of your control
you’re being pushed
a way
you don’t want to go.

This feeling describes
something close to my
recent mentality.
Life has created the
misconception that
I’ve been pushed
in a certain direction
that was not who
I was meant to be.

I fought to keep my place
but like a noose
the more I struggled
the tighter it squeezed
around my expression
and my sanity.

I found myself
trapped
in the ever so
normality of my surroundings
all of me was
suppressed
by intimidation
and structure
Lack of passion
and caring for others.

I began to
do what I saw.
I began to be too
busy for others,
and never finding
myself good enough.
I was unhappy
and alone.
But I was creeping
along the rhythm
that the environment
set around me.
But I wasn’t me
at all.

Then one day
I decided to let my
old self live.
I made a decision
that broke all of
what the 4 walls
around me stood for
and breathed a bit
of air that
I had been denied
before

I realised
that this illusion
of my present domain
was just a
moving side effect
of what was created to portray
I finally could see past the
window that they
had so generously
given me
Back to the world
I already owned.
and the person
I spent so long
trying to find
could stretch out
wide
and remember who
I was and loved to be.

So next time you
feel the feeling of
vertigo
motion without control
make sure the window
you are looking through
has been given to you
by people who wish
to see you bloom
and not conform.
Structure is just an
idea,
but you are an entity.
You already own the world
so don’t accept four walls and
a window to satisfy
the wonder of who you are.
Just because intimidation
tells you
you are better off
in a structure built
with bare walls
and a limited grasp
than you are
making your own path.