As a Kid

As a kid I was always told that proper girls should play with dolls
I never could really act this role
Cos I never did really 'get' Barbie or Cindy, or even Ken
Even back then I didn't like fairy dresses or pink-clad teenage actresses
Even back when scary monsters were my only stresses
I preferred to climb up trees, make dens and skin my knees
Play out in the summer breeze
Nothing could please me more than being close to an animal
Chicken, snail or stray mutt, it really didn't matter what
To me this was actual, tangible, happiness..

'She's just a tomboy, she'll grow out of it'
My true self, only took these words to completely dismiss it
Blink and you'll miss it... a soul being squashed with 'should'
This implies that if you're not good you will not be accepted, loved or protected..
Subtle subconscious programming, passed generation to generation
An exquisitely damning, elaborate heritage of accusation
'It's not just you, it's the whole family's reputation'
So, ashamed, you hide your soul away,
But inevitably you'll lose your way with a morality based on what others say

So I grew in a land of babies and debt and wedding rings
Where women wait to be rescued by men who they dream will turn out to be Kings
I wore the make up to fit in, donned the uniform they dressed me in..
But the mask was only ever paper thin
Barely hiding the heart beating within
Barely disguising that just under the surface there was this thing that made me feel worthless
And yet, this makes us all precious
The real me, just under the skin

Now don't misunderstand this
If diamonds make your heart race like pretty things in pink and lace
And your shoes and bag are always matched
And you're someone who I'd never catch in last season's fashion
Then I'm glad you've found your passion
And if you always wanted marriage and kids, then shit, I'm glad you had 'em
All I'm saying is we should judge on kindness and whether one’s life is content
Not on whether they meet some random criteria that society's imposed on them

For years I tried to find me in other people's faces, looked in all the wrong places
I tried so hard to hide me but nothing could erase this
My life had to be torn apart before I could embrace this...
So this is me now, for the first time ever
This is the first time even I've met her....
Funny how such a subtle shift can be so life changing
Come a few steps towards the edge, the view is breath-taking
The colours are incredible, the people fascinating
It's like I've stopped waiting,
Stopped existing, started living, started being and stopped faking

And when I'm old you can keep your anti-wrinkle creams
I'll keep my anti-corporate dreams
A lifetime of laughter lines on proud parade, grown from this summer's seeds
And I'll display my long locks of grey, knowing real beauty can't be faked
And I'll know I've made the most of every day
Cos that's all we wish for in the end, to have lived each second we own, until our final breath is spent.