don't fucking touch me

a touch that I once lived for
every breath I wanted to be a moan
each attractive specimen
that came my way
I wanted as my pet
or to be theirs

to be put on a leash
and made their slave for a few hours
and each of us go our way
to find other attractions
and amusements
to fill our empty hearts

sex was my heroin
now its the bane of my existence
these months have gone by
with no human touch
beyond hugs and kisses
and I shrink back

from their hands
that feel foreign and wrong
I've turned prudish these days
sloppy kisses on my lips
like hearing nails
down a chalkboard
... I get that feeling

I can't surrender to anyone
not even if I wanted to... and I do
that feeling of losing control
I can't stand it anymore
overwhelmed by distrust
and every bad memory

claustrophobic mentality
GET AWAY... I CANNOT BREATHE
inner demons I cannot hide from
I implore you to depart from me
pornography and drugs, my distraction
still, your touch brings bad reaction