You Left Too Soon

Every day I face an agonizing battle.
A battle so tormenting,
And invisible to the eye.

I used to look up to you.
I used to envy you.
I love you..

You were the one I would sit with,
sit and have a coffee with.
We used to laugh and bullshit.
I used to smile..
I used to be so confident.

Because you held me up,
you held me up above the waves.

This tidal wave was too high for us both..
You were taken away,
Attacked with a heart attack,
no one was around to save you..

I should of been there for you.
I hate myself every day..
I should have saved you..
Like you saved me every day.

You used to tell me all the time
Grin and nod
I cannot force it anymore

I wanna stand outside in this unless ruthless storm of destruction,
I wanna scream at the top of my lungs,

GOD YOU VULTURE!
BRING HER BACK TO ME!
OR TAKE ME WITH HER!

Mama..
I tried..
I'm trying..
It just hurts way too much..

You weren't even the one who gave birth to me..
You weren't even a foster parent to me..

Yet you held me above the storm..
Until you couldn't any longer..

You are my hero.
One I can never compare to.

I can't drown my demons.
I long for the feeling to not feel at all.

There won't come a day..
Where I can forgive myself..
I should have saved you..

But I was in a different province,
Drinking, snorting coke,
Going to clubs..

You died on New Years Day.
This year..
It'll be my turn.

I can't escape my own hatred for myself.